My sister-in-law, Robin, went to a small gathering with Beth Moore at Beth’s home church in Houston last year. Robin wrote about the things Beth taught at her blog, here. There is so much rich truth is Psalm 119. Besides being veeeeeeeery long (it is the longest chapter in the Bible), it is full of honest prayer and a Psalmists’s anguish. It is filled with commitment and meditations and wonder and inquiry.
Ps. 119:25-28: I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees. Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
Beth talked about being “laid low,” like the Psalmist talked about, but that we were all layed low in the dust until God breathed life into us (all came from dust and to dust we will return, Ecc.3.20). I am laid low, preserve my life according to Your word.
There is nothing like a little case of bacterial pneumonia (which feels awfully too much like hippopotamus sitting on your chest) to make you feel laid low, like you are breathing dust. Lord, preserve me. I cannot stand not being able to breathe. I don’t want faulty lungs to be my end. My own body has caused me horrid claustrophobia. I need breath. I need air. Open the windows! Let me breathe!!
Robin heard Beth teach, too, on 2 Timothy 3.16. She began to quote it,
For all Scripture is God breathed and useful for…
But then she stopped and made this comment, “We need to inhale! If God is going to breathe, we need to INHALE!” Go, Beth.
Breathing in the Word of God as diligently as I have missed and sought good, clear, unobstructed breaths (sometimes long periods of intense coughing to be able to) these past couple of weeks reminds me of the extreme importance of it. I have to breathe it in, the very breathe of the Word, like my life depends on it, because for my spirit, it does.
Gavin is here and we are making movies. It’s fun. He has lots of movie ideas. We have enough project ideas to last us years. {love him/the 1st grandchild, too}
In one rainy, wet, sparkly-dropped 24-hour downfall, we may actually make up for the nearly-draught conditions we have been heading towards. Everything looks green and clean and fresh.
google images. My backyard looks just like this, but Dave took the camera with him to Estes Park, where they have about 4-8″ of snow falling! I’ll take the rain!
Oh happy day. You make me happy when skies are gray. And all sorts of fun songs about love and joy. To you. For your birthday today. Am I supposed to mention that you are 32? Because I won’t if I shouldn’t. You should not hate it. Think of me – your mother!! If you are 32, then I am….
You were born to…
A novice, a clueless girl. A May day. The lilacs in full, fragrant glory. The sunshine. Green grass. No money. Uncertain times. A God who loved you and was already smiling at your life.
Fixed in the Galaxy
When you were a teenager, everything was stars. They were your “motif,” and all around you were oodles of doodles of stars and star design on your clothes and belongings and in presents you got. And you were nicknamed “Shooting Stara” and it was cute. But it was part of youth. It was part of a past and you have become a claassic woman of dignity, beauty, strength and grace now. Save, perhaps for when you are competing with great zeal on the kickball field or during a volleyball game. Becoming wise and deeply steadfast, though, has not changed or diminished your easy laugh and happy nature. No, it has only deepened it and made your personality even richer with joy-bringing treasure.
For your birthday, I think of the hallmarks of who you are and what you have always been known for. For me, of course, a gift. Thus the Barbra Streisand song, “The best Gift,” that Bill Tull and Mary Tiller sang for your dedication.
“Liquid joy,” Lisa Bierer called you,for you are a glass-is-half-full, big-smile, cheerleading, enCOURAGing, exhorting kind of person. Everybody in the room feels more loved and more happy when you have arrived.
At the Heaven Fest dinner Saturday night in Loveland
But then, there was the whole “star” phase. And as I thought about you and all you are and everything you are becoming and how, youthful and lighthearted as you remain, you embody even now the personality you did at 3 or 4 years of age. And as a teen. So, I could not forget the star part.
But what is different now, sweet daughter? Now, you need to know, you are not a shootingstar, just a brilliant flash of passing dazzle and fancy against a dark sky. You are a star hung steadfastly in the firmament declaring God’s glory. I still see the star in you (S)TARa. I see it. But now, it is as Daniel 12.3 says:
Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever.
You have the wisdom of some years now. You are not just a pretty girl. You are a ravishing woman. And you are leading many to righteousness, like a cool drink of water on a hot, dusty day, by your life, by your example, by everything God created you to be and to do. That has given you a fixed place in the universe to shine. You shine, baby girl. You shine.
Happy Birthday, Tara. Here are my words, a few of them, to say I love you and I thank God for you.
I am Ressie Belle’s granddaughter*, the spitting image of my father
And when the day is done, my MOMMA’s still my biggest fan!
I LOVE this woman, my mom. She believes in me, even still. She cheers me on and I am not done learning from her. I wanna be JUST LIKE HER when I grow up!
Mom, you are godly, you are loving. You are the mom every person needs. I L O V E you.
*Yes, my grandma’s name was Ressie Belle, so I changed the actual lyrics a little. But the rest are pretty right on.
You don’t just get to be a mom without the help of some pretty incredible people to help you out. On Mother’s Day, I always think tribute should be given to the people who made you a mom. I have never been one to need breakfast in bed or a dozen roses of thanks with a Hallmark card, really, though those are sweet things. But I sure like being with the people who afforded me the privilege and title of “mom.” Time. Yes. Loved them way back when (before I could even know who they would be but I just knew God had entrusted their tiny to-be-discovered little lives to me). Love them more, and o-so-proud-of-them all, today.
I loved having babies, which is why I kept at it so vigorously for those, ya know, almost 7 years. There was honestly something so regal in carrying a child within. I sensed, very keenly, during pregnancy, the unbridled blessing of the Lord, the trust He had placed in me to carry destiny, to harbor safely within: some one, a person, my heritage from Him – a baby who would grow up to be His. At each child’s dedication, I solemnly renewed in my heart to honor the Lord by giving my babies to Him. Write Your Name on their hearts, Lord, I would pray, knowing that more than they were mine, they were His.
It is a sobering realization
With the way I failed so many times, at being everything a good mom should be, the kind they speak of in songs and greeting cards, it amazes me still, that I was entrusted with so many and such an above-average group, at that. I think I got points for making sure they had such a great daddy, or something? Nonetheless, I was blessed, so blessed beyond deserving.
And I have often heard it said that God gives you the parents you needed, which, except in the case of parents who choose cruelty, who abandoned without thought the preciousness of the child placed in their care, this may be true. But it seems more true that God gives you the child you need (with 5, I must have been very needy). For they bring a piece of your heart, a part of everything you were born to be – when you didn’t even know it was missing. And suddenly, you’re a mommy. And though they grew there, nurtured in your womb, and then became their own, leaving that safe place, they somehow left you more whole than before.
So, on Mother’s Day, thank-you to Tara & Stephie, Dessa & Rocky and the baby, Storm-kins for making me a mom and for turning out so darn great in spite of me and maybe a little because of me. I hope my deep love covers anything that needs it and will last in your heart way past the days I here to remind you of it – all the way to the end.
Tara – you taught me that God loved me and believed in me even when and especially when I did not deserve His mercy. You were a gift straight from heaven for my heart, joy that I had never had, and a stamp of approval I was almost too embarrassed to receive. Having you was my yes to God. Yes to You for all times and all ways. This is when I knew I was in for keeps (I am my beloveds and He is mine) and not just because of who my parents were. This is when I met the same God Hagar had discovered in a desolate place: the God who sees. I saw Him. And He saw me and placed love in my arms. Joy-in-the-morning!
Stephanie –you taught me that God is a healer and that he hears us when we pray. You were not just the only baby we actually “planned” to have ~ all the rest were delightful surprises and unexpected-but-cherished gifts. But you, you were the one I had to fight the enemy for. You were the baby that caused me to grow up and stand my ground against the thief. You were the one that introduced me to agonizing like Hannah before the Lord “For this child I prayed, andthe Lord has granted my petition made to him.” And He did, oh yes He did. And you were worth it, Stephanie. You are worth it…
Tredessa – everything about you, from your conception to your even-in-toddler-hood deep love for the Word and things of God when you could barely walk or talk caused awe and wonder in us. You have challenged me to know Him more, to press in no matter what. Where I had been a strong-willed, hard-headed, bull-dozer of a kid to try to be heard, you came quietly, but with such a deep dignity and strength of spirit. Your reliance on the Lord has taken you around the world and keeps you close to home. You are the wit and wisdom of your grandparents, the brains and ability of all who have come before you and deep treasure of the strong love of your parents for each other, for you. You are all this and so much more…
Rocky –to us a child was born, a son was given. You were such a surprise after 3 girls. You carry the name of our family, of all we have been and yet are to be. You got your dad’s good looks and my fire-y personality. You carry your grandpa’s zeal and your great-grandpa’s strength of character. You embody the strong work ethic from which you come and make us proud, so proud to call you son. But you carry a song from the Holy Spirit, and a heart to give God praise and you are called by the One who has shared you with us for paths all your own, yet to be discovered, exciting for us to watch. You are my beloved son, in whom I am so so so well pleased.
Stormie –you came in gentleness. You are the heart of your daddy and you remind me so much of Jesus in John 13 when he was ina room full of disciples and no one would serve. And because He knew who He was and where He had come from and where he was headed, He just tied the towel around His waist and washed their feet. And baby girl, you have served the Lord and the people you love in selflessness and rich beauty and you are all the more ravishing for it. It is your honor, your bejewelment, it is the dazzling beauty of who you are in the room. You were the icing on my cake, the cherry on top, the greatest (the servant of all) for last…
The past couple of weeks
These are some photos and video from 2 or 3 “family times” these past couple of weeks. This song and these images are a tiny, delicious slice of the great smile-pie of my life! This is Dave + me + the five + their loves + 6 chubby-cheeked sweetie-pie honey-bunches-of-oats grandbebes. Mi familia. Because of a blessing-giving God…
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ME!
1 Samuel 1 “Oh, my lord! As your soul lives, my lord, I am the woman who stood by you here praying to the Lord.
For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted my petition made to Him.
Therefore I have given him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is given to the Lord. And they worshiped the Lord there.
Best thing I ever did as a mommy?
Give you back to the One who gave you to me. As long as you live, you are in my heart, but you are His.
There is a really cool story line with the main character Zach, who loses his mom mysteriously and the angst he grows up with, the feelings of abandonment and the redemption that comes of it all.
At least that is what the National Gardening Association tells me. That pretty much just means I should wait until Mother’s Day to plant petunias and tomatoes and other warm-weather plants.
What??? It is time already? I am behind…
Home Depot commercial
Some people get verklempt over Hallmark commercials. I loved a recent Home Depot commercial that said this:
“Let’s plant a weekend, water it and watch a summer spring up!”
YES! Let’s!
Got Stormie started with some stock and petunias and herbs and lettuce a few weeks back…
Hunter does wear his very expressive, brain-train of thoughts quite vividly through his facial features! Ellie, www.lilacphotography.com, captured it well! The images are printed on metal and it is very cool. I may steal it.
I asked Hunter, “So last week Ellie took these pictures of you without your mom knowing it and you kept it a secret all this time?”
“I’m a rule-keeper,” he shrugged.
And it is true. The Little Prince is nothing if not a black-and-white, serious, compelling argue-ist, and truth-telling rule-keeper. But he will lobby almost endlessly for changes to said rules if he takes the notion.
This was a post from my drafts folder from November 2008.
In the re-reading, I could think of lots and lots more people from the Word of God that I love and admire for various reasons, but in the end? The five I listed out – yes. They are still the ones I wanna be like when finally I grow up.
The Word of God is filled with amazing people.
I love Elijah for his holy boldness and trust in the power of God and because he also experienced fatigue and probably clinical depression and he let God bring him out. I can relate to Jeremiah who cannot stop speaking out the Word of the Lord (lest it become like fire shut up in his bones) but who doescomplain at the inconvenience and trouble it has brought at times. Tearing down and uprooting is not as fun as building up, but somebody’s gotta do it, right?
Isaiah saw the Lord and the things I want to see.
And am I not able to relate to Hagar and love her revelation of The God Who Sees? I so get her, this broken woman who was living to please and serve others, but found out that it was God alone on whom she could rely.
Mary, the inspiring mother of Jesus is to be remembered and honored. The sisters, Mary and Martha represent so well the struggle I have within: the desire to do nothing but sit at Jesus’ feet and learn from Him, but my seeming inability to escape the obvious work around me that must be done by some one.
There is the woman who poured lavish, gratitude-filled praise in the form of oil on Jesus in worship, washing His feet and drying them with her hair? That kind of worship amazes me. Haughtily dismissed by religious onlookers, she didn’t hesitate to pour out her everything for Him. Love that kind of unbridled passion…
There are so many, incredible people in the Bible. But over time, I have come to relate to and love learning more about this particular five, my heroes in the faith.
David the Psalmist
Of all he did and was, he sang the song of the Lord in a way that pleased the heart of God and committed his life and reign to establishing continuous, extravagant worship to God. I’d love at the end of my life to have said of me, as it was of David in Acts 13.36, that he had lived his life serving the purpose and will of God in his own generation. And I’d love to sing a song that would please God like David’s did.
Paul the Apostle
He did not come to the church and the world of his day with persuasive words of man-made wisdom, but he came preaching his head off in the power and demonstration of the Holy Ghost! He told the truth with no apology, but he told the truth on himself, too. Even after he’d been a Christian for 30 years he admitted doing what he didn’t want to do and not doing what he wanted to do. I love how he considered all things dung compared to…well anything else, everything else. Dung happens. O yes it does. Paul got that, I just know it. But he also knew that Grace Happens, too. And he wrote it all down in letters, beautiful letters (I love letters) and messages making up 2/3 of the New Testament. And I love Paul.
Deborah the Judge
She literally infused armies with the courage to go forth into battle because the Word of the Lord was in her mouth! She was a prophet, a wife, and judge. And guess what? After leading the winning battle, she led the nation in the SONG of the Lord (Judges 5)! A singing power-house, an insightful judge, a ruler and a woman, still.
Wholehearted Hezekiah
He abolished idol worship and destroyed the symbols of false gods, smashing them and calling the nation to return to the One, true God. And God loved his wholeheartedness (his entire heart in one place doing the right thing). I love that Hezekiah, when it was time to die (the Lord told the prophet to tell him to get his house in order because it time for the end), just came before the Lord and wept bitterly and pled his case of his whole string of wholehearted living examples and God received it and gave him 15 more years. That is the way God and I relate, too. He lets me moan and groan and argue my case before Him. He and he has mercy on me, time and again.
Today was Gemma’s first day of pre-school with Nonna. She’ll be 4 soon. Big sister, Guini, got to come along to help Gemma learn. We made button necklaces.
Stephen the Radiant
Full of faith, he was selected to administrate the work and business of the ministry in the early church. He was full of grace and wisdom and the power of the Holy Spirit and though an “administrator, was performing signs and wonders all over the place. He did ministry among widows and then preached with such zeal the religious powers-that-be became murderous towards him. The boy could preach. And when he did, he didn’t defend himself, but he did respond to the accusations and charges against him. Though he knew his scriptures and he knew how to use them, he was also a man full of grace, motivated by love. When Paul held the coats of the angry religious men who stoned Stephen to death, Jesus Himself gave Stephen a standing-ovation – welcoming my administrative hero in the faith right into the Presence of God!
When I grow up, I wanna be like these guys…Jeanie
NOTE TO SELF: But like Jesus – more than anyone else…
