Category Archives: Stuff I Actually Think

Tentative Trust, when we don’t understand

1 Christ is All, Stuff I Actually Think, , , ,

Things don’t always happen the way we thought they would. David the Psalmist must have felt that, too.

“Why so downcast oh, my soul, put your trust in God!”

“No thanks, depression and fatigue – you can’t come in.”

ps 32.8

Took this  woodsy picture in Peaceful Valley last week!  It was just after a rain, overcast, but bright. From the shadows, there was a path out…

This is me, struggling with some things I don’t understand, putting my trust in God:

  1. All the days planned for me were written in His book before I was even one day old (Psalm 139.16).  Just because the days aren’t feeling purposeful enough for me or the time I am in holds lots of unanswered questions, I am not wandering aimlessly.  The days I know-that-I-know I am fully/gloriously in the center of His planned will for my life versus the days I am wondering what the heck that will is don’t affect the story He wrote for my life.  I am in His sights. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me…
  2. He will never leave me, nor forsake me (Deut. 31.6).  I have that horrible tendency to drift into that ridiculous thinking that if I am not smack in the middle of some great move of God somewhere {working my head off} that I have somehow been locked out of the Kingdom, the only univited person to all the good Kingdom parties.  In my heart of hearts, I am ever more aware, the quieter it gets, the closer He is (it’s how He draws me near).  Behold, the Kingdom of God is at hand.  He is with me.  With me!
  3. “Therefore, don’t be foolish.  Understand what the Lord’s will is” (Eph. 5.17).  If I don’t have enough things happening, needs to fulfill, ministry to get done, places to be or people to see, if there is a holy dissatisfaction with the status quo, then setting myself to understanding God’s will should keep me pretty occupied – a pretty full assignment, I’d say.  Finding out from Him for my life, “What is THIS {particular place &} time for?” seems like a worthy pursuit leaving little room for feeling tentative.

You know, even after amazing, great times of spiritual victories, the prophet Elijah had some extreme fatigue and depression come knocking on his door.  He must have felt tentative about any kind of future or anything good ahead for his life because he actually told God he’d had enough and wanted God to take him out.

But the God of the Universe never left Elijah.  God is so faithful like that.  He didn’t tell Elijah to pull himself up by his bootstraps and to get his hustle on.  God fed him and caused him to sleep, fed him again and gave him more rest.  God comforted him. Then God spoke to Elijah in a still, small voice and eventually sent him to his next assignment – lots more cool stuff was on the horizon for his life!

While we may be feeling unsettled or unconfirmed, there is probably already a plan in place for some wonderful adventure in faith, an exciting storyline written by God for our lives before time even began.  Get ready for your cue, watch for the brightly lighted path out…

Music on a Monday // Back-to-School Songs

5 Songs I am Singing, 6 Looking Back // Memories!, 9 TV & Movies/Books & Entertainment, Stuff I Actually Think

Where-oh-where did the summer go???

It is gone toooooooo fast.  There were so many more little pool parties and popsicle treats to enjoy with the grandbebes.  Of the 8, the first 5 are all in school now, again (or for the first time).

hunter third

Hunter walking in to 3rd grade…Tara posted this, she has homeschooled him until now.  Big change!

hunter at school

Gavin is a 5th grader, which makes him a full-fledged “middle-schooler” with a locker!  My little man is growing up on me!  Guinivere and Hunter are in third grade this year and Gemma goes all day now, a first grader.  Averi is an official school girl, she is in Kindergarten and I sure miss having pre-school with her!

averi school

Hearing my daughters plan and talk about all the school supplies lists and routines and buying new clothes and uniforms and having to get kids to bed because it’s a school night now got me thinking of all the music that has been written about school over the years.  There must be thousands of songs, but I thought I’d pick my favorites for a BACK-TO-SCHOOL TOP TEN playlist  (not in order of my love for them, just as they came to me)~

  1. To Sir with Love, Lulu // This song is from a movie with the same name (starring Sidney Poitier in 1967) and I have loved it since I saw it as a child.  It’s pouffy hair and frosted lipstick, dark eyeliner and blue-eyeshadow.  It is all the strong feelings a young girl has, poured out in song.  LOVE!
  2. My Eyes Adored You, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons // If you could have known the 1974 me, the one who was in love with love, for whom each and every song had profound meaning…well, yea.  Then you’d know that the junior-high me was in love with this song and daydreaming about some boy who would someday say, “I loved you way back when….”  Haha.  Such a pretty and sweet song, though, really.
  3. Coat of Many Colors, Dottie Parton // You have to listen to this one to see how many words that woman can get into a song.  And it actually charted, in part, I think, because everyone can relate to being made fun of in school over something or another.  Kids at school can be cruel.  My mom made me a dress from old kitchen curtains once.  I still haven’t written a song about it, though.
  4. I Wish, Stevie Wonder // Part of my Hammond High School, fish-out-of-water, Iowa girl in Louisiana story soundtrack, is characterized by the Songs in the Key of Life 2-album set by Stevie Wonder.  Still one of my favorites, this song was fun. to. sing!  I was going to school with the boy in the song, I am certain of it!
  5. Harper Valley PTA, Jeanne C. Riley // As story songs go, this has got to be one of the best!  I was in 3rd grade and couldn’t get enough of hearing it.  That was one sexy mama!
  6. Spiders and Snakes, Jim Stafford // Um, yes – the boys I knew during junior high were at about this level.
  7. Check Yes or No, George Strait // Do you like me?  Check yes, or no….Aw, sweet.  A little country tune about 3rd grade love that lasts!
  8. Crayola Doesn’t Make a Color for Your Eyes, Kristen Andreassen // I just happened across this one a few years ago and like to sing it to my grandbebes.  The video takes place in a 2nd grade school room.  It is a happy tune and so appropriate for going back to school!
  9. Teacher’s Pet  (Doris Day) // So, in light of all the weird student-teacher relationships that hit the news these days, a bit of the innocence of this song is gone, long gone!  And while the original movie (Teacher’s Pet, 1958) with Doris Day and Clark Gable was sweet, the Waiting for Guffman movie (1996) audition scene with Parker Posie hilariously takes this song down the slippery slope of ickiness.  But it sure is memorable.  I have included Doris, whose uprightness and purity in the singing are unquestionable!
  10. ABC, The Jackson 5 // The very first song on my iTunes song list, I can actually remember where I was sitting in my 4th grade class on bring-a-record day at Wallace Elementary School in Des Moines the first time I heard this glory.  The sun was shining through the windows, a whole new world was opening up to me – this Michael Jackson had dawned – oh my goodness, it was historic – LOVE!!!

8 Songs that didn’t quite make my cut:  Back to School Again, from Grease 2 because I really liked Grease, the first movie, better;  Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd because even as a teenager when it was charting, I felt a pang of weirdness at the blatant rebelliousness of it.  I was trying to conquer rebellion, conquer it!;  Getting Better, The Beatles, and again, a little rebellious and also that psychedelic sound that I think you had to be high to really appreciate, and I wasn’t; See You in September by The Happenings is a very classic song, but it didn’t make the list because it’s a little too easy listening for even me, :) ; Graduation Day, The Beach Boys because it is about graduating from school, not going back to school;  Class of ’57 by The Statler Brothers which I have actually always loved because it is the year my mom graduated, but it is more about graduation, too;  Schoolboy Crush, Cliff Richard and the Drifters because even though I love Cliff Richard, doo-wop isn’t my thing; Teach Me Tonight by Etta James or lots of other artists who have recorded it because I have pictures of my grandbebes in this post!  Too sultry!  School of Rock by Jack Black is an awesome song, but had to get cut because I was keeping my list at 10!  I love watching the movie with my grands, though because he is cute and hilarious and kids get him – I guess because he is a big kid.  The giggling is contagious!

kelley school 2

The K-kids, first day of school

There you have it.  GET SPOTIFY to hear them all!!!

There are SO many songs.  Which school-themed songs did I miss?  Which ones belonged on my list?  Is everyone back to school at your house?

kelley school

Song for a Sunday // A Very Present Help

1 Christ is All, 5 Songs I am Singing, Stuff I Actually Think, , , ,

Oh, my word.  Every time I NEED help from the sanctuary, I get surprised all over again, amazed and shocked that the God of the Universe, the Creator of everything – yes, THAT God- our Father, the Blessed Redeemer, the Savior of mankind, the Alpha and Omega {the Beginning and the End}, the Holy Spirit of God Himself, He is also the One who is the Helper {MY help}, helping me, helping me!

He helps us.  He is our Helper!  I keep forgetting this and God keeps reminding me.  I keep doubting it and He keeps proving it is true, time and again.

Circumstances can look bleak, the path obscured, answers seem hopelessly hidden.  We shake our heads, barely breathing out to Him…We pray, God, help me…and then He does.

Reading Frank Viola, God’s Favorite Place on Earth, in his account of the raising of Lazarus from the dead:

“…as high as God is going to elevate you is as deep as He digs to lay the foundation.

Sometimes the brightest light comes from the darkest places. And what doesn’t destroy you ends up defining you in some significant way…

Interestingly, Lazarus is the shortened form of a name that means ‘God helps.'”

I’d say being raised from the DEAD qualifies as being helped!   :)

The dictionary says to help is to give assistance or support; to make more pleasant or bearable (improve, relieve, rescue, save). It says to help is to be of use to (benefit); to further the advancement of (promote) or even to serve with food or drink as in a meal {Reminds me of “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies”}.

He is a very present HELP in time of need.

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121

So here is this old song for this new Sunday: Made Me Glad by Hillsong, based on Psalm 46 and every word true!

I will bless the Lord forever

And I will trust Him at all times

He has delivered me from all fear

And he has set my feet upon a rock

And I will not be moved

And I’ll say of the Lord….

You are my shield

My strength

My portion

Deliverer

My shelter

Strong tower

My very present help in time of need

Whom have I in Heaven but you?

There’s none I desire beside you

You have made me glad

And I’ll say of the Lord….

You are my shield

My strength

My portion

Deliverer

My shelter

Strong tower

My very present help in time of need

citydata.com/boulder

Friends and family, let me declare/speak/pray this blessing over you:: May the everlasting One hear you today and send help from His sanctuary.  May the most Helpful One come to your rescue, bringing provision and relief and providing the support you need right now and be so very, very present.  I pray this for you – for the Help you need.  Amen!

Oh, Netflix ~ You have answered my prayers!

9 TV & Movies/Books & Entertainment, Stuff I Actually Think

Even though, now that Netflix has updated {{hearing my deepest heart’s desire}}, and each of us is now allowed to create our very own “instant queue,” I am quite certain that, just as it has always been ~

I shall spend more time searching and adding things to my queue than actually watching any of it.

It is sort of like ordering anything I want from a Pottery Barn Catalog.  I may not need it or love it after I get it, but when I ordered it,  it sure seemed important!

netflixPS-I have never actually ever ordered “anything I want” from the Pottery Barn Catalog.  THAT is a dream that was never realized.

The Amen Corner

1 Christ is All, 6 Looking Back // Memories!, Stuff I Actually Think, , ,

It is by grace we are saved…but oh the ways we try to make make grace even better! {{insert *wry-and-weary-half-smile}}

I grew up in church where “talking back” to the pastor as he preached was not only welcomed, if there weren’t enough people doing it, the pastor might chide:

“Can I get an ‘amen’?”  or

“It’s getting awfully quiet in here.  Somebody say ‘Amen or Oh, me.'”

“Amen” is supposed to be sort of a wonderful, “Yes!  So be it, Lord!”  Oh, if only that were the only way we church-peeps used it.  *sigh…

Even as a really young girl, I noticed that an awful lot of the people saying “Amen!” were sort of the least joyful, meanie-face-type of Christians.

AMEN the amen corner

Doesn’t this awesome photo just remind you of the fire and brimstone preacher in “Cold Comfort Farm” screaming out “There’ll be no butter in hell, I tell ya!!”???  If it doesn’t, you must watch the movie.  Then it will.

If the preaching was against gossiping or people not going to church, there’d be this “amen section” of people you didn’t want to cross.  The preacher would wind up, powerfully make his proclamation and then the sourest faces in the front three rows of pews would raise their determined noses into the air and shout “Amen!  Amen!!!” with pretty much the same fervor as two guys chest-bumping in victory and grunting loudly at a football game where their team just scored a touchdown.

Even at 5 or 6 years old, I could tell, that with at least some of those people, they felt they were past reproach and in an exclusive club, telling-it-like-it-is, above whatever the sin of the day was.  {{Did I mention I began my judgementalism early?}}  Anyway – some people seemed less about ‘amening’ the truth of the Word of God or even being an encouragement to the pastor that he was right-on than in making sure other people in here better hear this ‘cuz they need it!!!  The problem with this method of “helpful discipleship” is that no one in the sanctuary is quite sure who the recipient/or group of recipients was to be, so the enemy-of-our-souls sorta uses it to crush everybody there with accusation.  Poo.

amen outdoor church

When I got old enough to want to amen something, I knew down deep that I jumped pretty harshly on sermon points that, in reality, exposed my own weaknesses – but not at myself {because there was this view-blocking log in my eye} – more at other people who had them too {people with those little specs Jesus talked about}.  Maybe amening loudly would make everyone else think I was way above it.  If I nodded my head and looked all pious – everyone else would know I had conquered and was above them spiritually speaking.  {{Right.}}

Amen prepare to meet god

These days, most churches don’t have a real old fashioned out-loud-amen section.  But a quick scan of Facebook the past few weeks and I have seen actual posts, not limited to, but including these:

News Flash: The earth revolves around the sun.  This might upset people who think the world still revolves around them.

I’m not judging you, God is.

I’m currently correcting some crap problems in my life.  If you don’t hear from me, you’re probably one of them.

It’s a Facebook status, not a diary.  Learn the difference.

Oh, it’s snowing outside.  I better update my Facebook status for all my friends who don’t have windows.

If you don’t like the life I am leading then quit reading my posts.

If you are a Republican {or Democrat, or Christian, or not a Christian, or any number of possible labels} we aren’t friends.  I will be unfriending you.

The mean-spirited Amen-section is alive and well.  On internet profiles everywhere (and I am sure, sometimes even on this blog, true confessions).  And oh, don’t you just KNOW each of those comments is directed at somebody specific?  But since we don’t know who, 127 people will run for cover.

We have seen the enemy – it is us {church-peeps}.

Thank-You, Lord, that we are growing in grace and learning to say Amen!  So be it! to You, to Your Word, to Your ways.  Thank-you for churches that let us participate with shouts of hallelujah and applause becuase we are so grateful we cannot contain it.  May we keep learning and keep growing in grace.  AMEN!  And the Amen-corner said “~~~~”

Can I get a witness?

NOTE TO READERS:  I actually grew up in the 60s and 70s and not in sepia-tone.  We actually had colored photos and didn’t dress like pilgrims or Civil War-era people.  Just FYI.

The one I miss

6 Looking Back // Memories!, Stuff I Actually Think

Text abbreviations, initialisms, good-old-fashioned acronyms and your basic internet slang is a “language” growing by leaps and bounds.  Net Lingo boasts having the longest list of cyber abbreviations {{HERE}}.

While I much prefer fully written words, the 140-character limit Twitter has imposed does cause, even me, a total word lover, to use the occasional j/k or btw, and of course, I freely distribute xxx & ooos.

But the abbreviation I miss most?  The one that is so much more than a mindless acronym because you can actually physically give and receive it, the one you can really share? ~ ~ ~ ~

SWAK //  Sealed with a kiss.

sealed with a kiss

Lip-prints are optional.  But you can write a letter, send it through the old-fashioned USPS in the mail with a stamp and you can actually seal it with a kiss (or as some jaded individuals have said SWALCAKDS, sealed-with-a-lick-cuz-a-kiss-don’t-stick, ick) and the receiver can get it and kiss the envelope, too.

There!  A shared kiss.

It’s the one I miss since no one sends letters anymore.

Meanwhile, I’ll be @*$ keeping up on everybody’s #posts & #txts, ROFL & responding IMHO with YOLO-type wisdom & IDN, HAGD, if that’s COO w/u. XOXO

A Tale of Two Seeds

1 Christ is All, 2 Mi Familia, 4 Home & Garden/Food & Seasons, Stuff I Actually Think

Finally – it is going to live and grow to be and do that for which it was created.

Poor little plant.  I almost yanked it out and threw it away last week.  But it has apparently finally established.  It got its’ first flower yesterday, already dropped.  Soon it will give me a beautiful baby-zucchini.

zucchini seedlings

In the nick of time, too, for last Tuesday, I went ahead and started 2 new zuch-plants and they already sprouted and got their first real leaves.  They are raring and ready to be planted wherever, and though it is a bit late for warm-weather plants to be just getting started, they grow so fast in current conditions.  If we have a mild fall, I could be eating fresh zucchini for months.

The 2 seeds tale, though…

This plant:

zucchini uprooted

And this plant:

zucchini, deeply rooted

were started at the same time.  And this is how they look today.  The top one is still so little, finally just getting nice, healthy-looking leaves.  The other has already been giving me beautiful fruit and thriving and growing and making happy, even though, quite by accident, it ended up in the sunflower patch, a place really too shady for it to have grown up so full and free.

What has made the difference?

They were planted the same day.  They are from the same seed package.  They germinated within hours of one another.  But one is healthy and strong and happy and fruitful.  It got planted in some rich soil, mounded up behind some shrubbery where I was placing the sunflower seedlings.  It established itself early, got strong and took root and reached high to find the sun.  It apparently made friends with the flowers and created a nice little ground cover for various perennials round about.  All the plants there are quite relationally content and mutually encouraging, all growing well.

But the little one – a different path.

First, I left it in the egg carton in which I started it too long.  It was “born” healthy.  It germinated quickly and grew well and had lovely leaves and all the potential.  But I ran out of space and needed to wait until some of the cold-weather crops were finished so I could plop it into the 9 square feet of space it would need to become everything it was meant to be.

So, while it grew as much as possible, the roots ran out of room.  The soil couldn’t support them and it dried out quickly between the daily waterings.  The leaves reached out for sunshine, but became leggy and long, un-planted in a deep-rich-soil place.  It tried to get what it needed, but became scraggly and “anemic,” yellowing leaves betraying a gardener’s neglect.

Realizing I needed to do something until the garden square had space, I got some good potting soil and planted it in terra-cotta container.  Some color returned – it started to look a little stronger.  It was there for a few weeks, still very small compared to the deeply rooted plant across the yard.  But alive, if you could call it that – in temporary quarters, unable to fulfill its’ purpose…

When finally I had begun to remove the cold-weather crops from the garden square, I pulled the squash-plant from its’ pot and placed it into the side of the garden where, as it grew, more plants would be leaving to create space, but it just sat there.  It did nothing, but look deathly ill.  It was yellow and stringy and lifeless.  The leaves sprawled onto the ground.  I surrounded it with soft straw to blanket and give warmth.  I brewed compost tea and watered it carefully. I watched and waited and waited and watched.

And it seemed hopeless.  So, I decided to plant new seedlings for replacement.

But in the same week, the conditions have changed and in the hot sunbeams of the day and the afternoon rains from the skies, the roots have finally trusted the space and plunged deep into the rich soil and have tasted the healing tea and established.  And being firmly established, this zucchini plant will now be everything it was created to be and do all it was created to do.

zuch seedlings

The lesson from this tale:

Rootlessness will stunt all growth.  Being uprooted and moved and moved and moved will keep a plant {{or a person}}, from thriving.  They’ll be anemic and taxed beyond their ability for having tried so hard to stay alive in spite of poor soil and growing conditions.  So then, even when they are planted safely, they may not respond for a while.  Their roots may not recognize the safe place yet, the true home.  It will take some time.  Hot sun will be needed, and pure rain.  Extra nutrients would be good and space and ~ time.  It will absolutely take time – this cannot be rushed.

So even though I didn’t do right by this plant and almost killed it in the uprooting, it is now establishing, planted by the waters of good care, and when the other zucchinis have finished producing and run their course, this one will still be going – because it will be fulfilling its’ destiny, everything it was created to be and to do.  Just a little later than “normal.”

The great hope:  If you have been moved around, neglected and uprooted repeatedly, if you are weak from lack of nutrients and care, it is not too late to be everything God imagined when He created you and here is my prayer:

rooted and established

In other news…

I wrote this in my journal in February (when he was just one month old):

Malakai is thriving.  Growing.  Getting healthy and robust.  Love is causing life.

kai 8.13.13

He hasn’t started crawling yet (though he does creep about) but that is because, at barely 7 months, he wishes to begin running.  He loves being up on his feet, high-stepping it whenever anyone will help him go.  He is happy and healthy and whole.  His roots are planted deep into the good soil of a loving family and home.  And being rooted and established in a safe place will always cause him to thrive.

The secret’s in the sauce

4 Home & Garden/Food & Seasons, Stuff I Actually Think

Here my top secrets {not really} for making it look like I can cook

These are little trips and tricks my girls think I have mysteriously developed that make me a “natural” cook.  But not really.  Just my favorite 3 tips in the kitchen.

1.  Use Kosher salt.

I figure, if you are going to use salt anyway, use Kosher.  It has been blessed by the Rabbi and who couldn’t use extra blessings wherever they can get them?  Silly?  Perhaps, but I like having a box of Kosher salt nearby as I cook.

2.  To keep spaghetti noodles from being sticky – at all, in any way: PRE-COOK!

Here it is: pre-cook.  I found this out by accident.  I fixed too much spaghetti for company as a newlywed and my mom said, “No problem.  It can be frozen.”  This was revolutionary to me because there was never any leftovers in my large family growing up.  I had never seen her do this.

Throw it in a freezer bag (any excess pasta) and when you want to use it, throw it in a pot of boiling water long enough for the noodles to thaw, separate and heat through which is usually a minute or less (please do not re-cook them).  Then just drain and it is perfect for right now.

It still took years before I realized it wasn’t just a great way not to waste too-much cooked pasta, but that if you were going to serve 57 people a big Carbonara Penne and you didn’t want any stress about the pasta being perfectly al dente and ready at 7:05 pm on the dot, PRE-COOKING is your very best friend, ever!  Cook it the day before (fridge) or two weeks before (freezer), rinse it with cold water (do NOT add oil or butter-this keeps the sauce from coating the noodle later) and when you drop it into the boiling pot of water minutes before serving, you can be assurred it will be there for you, to perfection – at 7:03 on the dot (allowing time to plate and toss it with the sauce for a 7:05 presentation)!

cooking spaghetti

BUT the biggest and most wonderous part of this is – the noodles will never ever be sticky at all.  Never.  Even if they seemed a bit dry and sticky when you froze them.  They will be separate and you will look pretty darn amazing to all 57 people.

{BTW-Barilla Pasta is my fav}

3.  When baking, always be generous with shortening (or butter) and eggs.

Yolanda Gonzales taught me that.  It can both make everything denser and richer or lighter than air.  I am not sure how that happens, but if you’re baking and the eggs feel small, add more.

Nothing earth shattering here.  I don’t think they’ll give me my own cooking show, but yes, these are things I subscribe to.  Bon appetit!