leaping from my head with wicked glee, while my limbs are stretched and shackled, i hear

everything you thought would be will not

cackling darkness darts spastically overhead

and the dreams spill out and run mingled with fear and defeat and belief,

emptying, emptied.

hope gone, no alternative route now

nothing remains but the beating heart of me, the physical.

is it enough?

into your hands I commit my spirit

1 Who believes what we’ve heard and seen? Who would have thought God’s saving power would look like this?

2-6The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,

a scrubby plant in a parched field.

There was nothing attractive about him,

nothing to cause us to take a second look.

He was looked down on and passed over,

a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.

One look at him and people turned away.

We looked down on him, thought he was scum.

But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—

our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.

We thought he brought it on himself,

that God was punishing him for his own failures.

But it was our sins that did that to him,

that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!

He took the punishment, and that made us whole.

Through his bruises we get healed.

We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost.

We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way.

And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong,

on him, on him.

7-9He was beaten, he was tortured,

but he didn’t say a word.

Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered

and like a sheep being sheared,

he took it all in silence.

Justice miscarried, and he was led off—

and did anyone really know what was happening?

He died without a thought for his own welfare,

beaten bloody for the sins of my people.

They buried him with the wicked,

threw him in a grave with a rich man,

Even though he’d never hurt a soul

or said one word that wasn’t true.

10Still, it’s what God had in mind all along,

to crush him with pain.

The plan was that he give himself as an offering for sin

so that he’d see life come from it—life, life, and more life.

And God’s plan will deeply prosper through him.

11-12Out of that terrible travail of soul,

he’ll see that it’s worth it and be glad he did it.

Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant,

will make many “righteous ones,”

as he himself carries the burden of their sins.

Therefore I’ll reward him extravagantly—

the best of everything, the highest honors—

Because he looked death in the face and didn’t flinch,

because he embraced the company of the lowest.

He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,

he took up the cause of all the black sheep.

Isaiah 53 The Message

He was wounded for our trangressions (those we have committed and those committed against us) and bruised for our iniquities.  The chastisement of our peace was upon him and by his  stripes, we. are. healed.

Noun

1. A confusing and difficult problem or question
2. A question asked for amusement, typically one with a pun in its’ answer, a riddle.

Synonyms: riddle-puzzle-enigma-mystery

Jesus messes with us in His teachings.

In Matthew 18, just after Jesus had taught about how to handle a brother or sister who had sinned against you (which, by the way, is rarely ever ever ever done all the way to completion, tsk), Peter inquired, “Lord, how many times should I forgive a brother or sister who has sinned against me?  Up to seven times?”

“No, not seven times, you ignoramus [editor’s interpretation here], but seventy-seven times [or seventy-times seven, depending upon the translation you are reading].”

Jesus knows good and well that we’ll never ever even know when we hit that mark because He has also called us to a love so pure, so deep, that it keeps no record of wrong (see that stinking 1 Corinthians 13 chapter).

Even the Old Testament (which Jesus often quotes!) taught about selfless love:

Leviticus 19.18 NIV  “‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.'”

 

Jesus took it further, though, on the topic of enemy-loving:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.”  Matthew 5.43-45a NIV

Nothing about the age in which we live makes forgiveness an easy choice: ever.  We do everything bigger, faster, louder – including causing offense or being offended.  And these days you can’t even just walk away from offense.  Social media has broken barriers that make your life and misery public and ongoing.  How can we keep up with this forgiveness part when the offense is repeating at breakneck speed?

Then Jesus makes it worse.

He actually ties our forgiveness towards others with being forgiven by God for our own offenses.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6.14-16

So, let me get this straight…

When some one sins against me (against me), I have to go to them to try to make it right – several times, in case it isn’t working at first.  And that is just for the first offense.  Then, if they KEEP offending and sinning against me, I am suppose to forgive them, minimally, 70 times, but I can’t know when we hit the end or that would expose the fact that I have been keeping a list.  Dang.  He has got me coming and going.

I have no choice but to forgive, to choose forgiveness again and again and again.  Just like my Father has had to do with me, again and again, and again, and oh yes, -again.  And I have to let the list go, just like my Father has done for me – and if He hadn’t, I would seriously be doubled-over, unable to look Him in the eye, the weight of my sin so heavy.

Psalm 130.3,4  NIV

If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,

Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness,

so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

Stormie Omartien (for whom my daughter, Stormie, is named) wrote this in a book I first read 30 years ago, I think.  And I have never forgotten this:

“Forgiveness doesn’t make the other person right, it just sets you free.”

 

I have experienced enough to know these things:

ONE:  Forgiveness cannot be demanded or expected.  When you get it, you had better be grateful because it is a gift.  Forgiveness is for giving.  Not taking.

TWO:  Give it.  Because it will set you free.  Don’t give it and you will be the one in chains.  Don’t ask me how I know..

TWO:  Too many times to count in life, you may not be forgiving a repentant person.  You may be giving the forgiveness just as a gift to yourself.   It is cutting the painful tie, cancelling the debt.  It is saying, “I don’t need you to fix this.  God is the strength of my heart.  I am cancelling your debt toward me.”    How much more like Jesus could we ever hope to possibly be???

You set them free, but you start to soar.  It would be cool if wrongful actions toward us brought repentance, but it just doesn’t always happen.  So look them in the eye and choose to forgive them the way God does when He sees your sin and says “What Jesus did has already paid your debt.”

THREE:  And hey, can I just tell you something I was never told, and in fact, was probably taught in great error in the church growing up?  You can forgive some one, bless them, treat them in a godly manner, and still not enter into the same relationship you once had with them.  Of course as Christians we want reconciliation, but it doesn’t have to happen the minute forgiveness happens.  You can take the bull by the horns and determine to forgive.  And you can wait as long as it takes for the Holy Spirit to direct a reconciliation.

I hate how I have been spiritually coerced into doing both simultaneously, told that I have’t truly forgiven if everything isn’t just peachy in 5 minutes, if life doesn’t pick right back up where it was 5 minutes later.  That is bull-crap.  If God does it instantaneously, shout some praises.  If He is teaching you (and probably the other person) some deep stuf and it takes awhile, so be it.  God is good and tenderhearted towards us and not nervous and not in a hurry.  You DO what the Holy Spirit tells you to do, but do NOT jump through quasi-spiritual hoops to make other people happy.

NOTE:  That whole thing I just told you: gold.  And I seriously have had ministry positions that to say that aloud would have been the end for me.

FOUR:  You won’t actually forget what happened.  Forgiveness is hard stuff.  It does not guarantee the “eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.”  Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting it ever happened.  Don’t let the devil condemn you on that.  It is ok to still remember because then you get the chance to choose to for-give again and every single time YOU will win the prize of it!

FIVE:  Forgiveness is not minimizing the injury or pretending you were not really hurt.  Good grief, how can we learn if we are not exploring what happened?  It is absolutely ok to look at the size of the agony so you’ll understand the strength you need in for-giving.  We can forgive the debt when we know the cost.  It happened, it will take something of us to face it.    It is a-OK to say that out loud and not pretend everything is just fine.

“Betrayal is something others do to you, but bitterness is something you do to yourself.”

My plan is to finally, wholly get/understand forgiveness before I die, or Jesus returns, whichever.  Meantime, I am going to give it so many times I actually lose count and I hope I will get it whenever I need it [frequently] and so somehow, set myself and lots of others free.

Seems almost impossible, but…

Whew!

http://www.jeanierhoades.com/the-elephant-story/

The prayer alone is GOLD!

I started writing this last November.  Probably with the Thanksgiving holiday in mind.  But I was reminded recently to be thankful and to give thanks.  So, even though this is woefully inadequate, I HAVE to thank God for sooooo much.  Here is a list that is but the tip of a huge iceberg….

1 Chronicles 29.10-19 The Message

David blessed God in full view of the entire congregation:

Blessed are you, God of Israel, our father

from of old and forever.

To you, O God, belong the greatness and the might,

the glory, the victory, the majesty, the splendor;

Yes! Everything in heaven, everything on earth;

the kingdom all yours! You’ve raised yourself high over all.

Riches and glory come from you,

you’re ruler over all;

You hold strength and power in the palm of your hand

to build up and strengthen all.

And here we are, O God, our God, giving thanks to you,

praising your splendid Name.

 

“But me—who am I, and who are these my people, that we should presume to be giving something to you? Everything comes from you; all we’re doing is giving back what we’ve been given from your generous hand. As far as you’re concerned, we’re homeless, shiftless wanderers like our ancestors, our lives mere shadows, hardly anything to us. God, our God, all these materials—these piles of stuff for building a house of worship for you, honoring your Holy Name—it all came from you! It was all yours in the first place! I know, dear God, that you care nothing for the surface—you want us, our true selves—and so I have given from the heart, honestly and happily. And now see all these people doing the same, giving freely, willingly—what a joy! O God, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, keep this generous spirit alive forever in these people always, keep their hearts set firmly in you.”

I thank God for thinking me up – for imagining a “me” on this earth.  Somehow, He fashioned me and then there was breath and then – life!

I thank Him for the family I grew up with and the specific parents he gave me.  I love them very much, and appreciate them more as the years go by.  I have 3 younger brothers and a little sister.  And they blessed me even more by marrying people who have become my friends and family and then there are these 8 nephews (the Moslander name increases!) and 2 nieces…treasure!

I thank God for the seasons.  The fall makes melancholy, and I am forced to fill winter with wondrous things to endure it, but I wait with heightened anticipation for spring and summer to come back around, for the green fruitfulness of life to draw me back into dirt-digging and tomato-growing.

I am so thankful God decided to draw me to the garden and teach me things about Him there.  He told me recently that I am a tend-er.  I tend His garden.  It is what I do, by assigment.

There are these friends.  I am not a good friend, but God has given me some great ones anyway and I am learning.  I am actually surrounded by the most amazing people…

I appreciate a good rain, really green grass, leaves that are fluttering in a soft breeze.  I am so grateful for these azure skies in this Colorado valley, when l’heure bleu falls around like grace and romances the end of the day.  I love this blue You have created, Father.  It is un-replicatable.

So grateful for words and a beautiful melody and if the right lyric is paired with notes that have fallen from heaven, there is a magic to the song and you know it immediately: this song is special.  Tara recently sent me one and it brought me to my knees in seconds.

I thank God for Dave.  He married me.  He has stayed married to me.  He keeps chasing me down to love me.  Lucky me.

I thank God for the children He gave me.  They weren’t there, didn’t even exist in my imagination – and then we made them and then we spent these precious years with them.  And then they became the most fabulous people in the universe.  Some one recently asked me if all of our children were so amazing, were such blessings.  “Yes.”  I told her, “They are ALL wonderful.  We are so blessed!”

I get to do Heaven Fest.  I did churchy-work for years.  I worked in the marketplace.  God blessed the work of my hands at every turn, I have experienced favor time and again.  But HF is special.  I am getting to see real Acts 2 church-life in action – with people from so many churches across the Front Range that you can almost taste the food of the banqueting tables in heaven.  So this is what it will look like, I ponder.   And finally, I am comprehending that heaven really is a wonderful place – Abba Father and His people, all of us enjoying eternity together as much so much more than even this Heaven Fest thing we get to do!

I deserve none of it, not even a crumb of a blessing.  I am not just saying that.  God would tell you it is true if that were His way.   I thank Him.  I haven’t deserved it nor made any of it happen.  He has.  Everything, all of it, it has all come from His hand.  Thankful, grateful, overwhelmed by mercy – which does come running at the least expected moment.  God is good.