Category Archives: 5 Songs I am Singing

Song is my love language.

Who I Am

I am Ressie Belle’s granddaughter*, the spitting image of my father
And when the day is done, my MOMMA’s still my biggest fan
!

 

I LOVE this woman, my mom.  She believes in me, even still.  She cheers me on and I am not done learning from her.  I wanna be JUST LIKE HER when I grow up!

 

Mom, you are godly, you are loving.  You are the mom every person needs.  I L O V E you.

*Yes, my grandma’s name was Ressie Belle, so I changed the actual  lyrics a little.  But the rest are pretty right on.

The 5 Who Made Me…

…a mom

You don’t just get to be a mom without the help of some pretty incredible people to help you out.  On Mother’s Day, I always think tribute should be given to the people who made you a mom.  I have never been one to need breakfast in bed or a dozen roses of thanks with a Hallmark card, really, though those are sweet things.  But I sure like being with the people who afforded me the privilege and title of “mom.”  Time.  Yes.  Loved them way back when (before I could even know who they would be but I just knew God had entrusted their tiny to-be-discovered little lives to me).  Love them more, and o-so-proud-of-them all, today.

I loved having babies, which is why I kept at it so vigorously for those, ya know, almost 7 years.  There was honestly something so regal in carrying a child within.  I sensed, very keenly, during pregnancy, the unbridled blessing of the Lord, the trust He had placed in me to carry destiny, to harbor safely within:  some one, a person, my heritage from Him – a baby who would grow up to be His.  At each child’s dedication, I solemnly renewed in my heart to honor the Lord by giving my babies to Him.  Write Your Name on their hearts, Lord, I would pray, knowing that more than they were mine, they were His.

It is a sobering realization

With the way I failed so many times, at being everything a good mom should be, the kind they speak of in songs and greeting cards, it amazes me still, that I was entrusted with so many and such an above-average group, at that.  I think I got points for making sure they had such a great daddy, or something?  Nonetheless, I was blessed, so blessed beyond deserving.

And I have often heard it said that God gives you the parents you needed, which, except in the case of parents who choose cruelty, who abandoned without thought the preciousness of the child placed in their care, this may be true.  But it seems more true that God gives you the child you need (with 5, I must have been very needy).  For they bring a piece of your heart, a part of everything you were born to be – when you didn’t even know it was missing.  And suddenly, you’re a mommy.  And though they grew there, nurtured in your womb, and then became their own, leaving that safe place, they somehow left you more whole than before.

So, on Mother’s Day, thank-you to Tara & Stephie, Dessa & Rocky and the baby, Storm-kins for making me a mom and for turning out so darn great in spite of me and maybe a little because of me.  I hope my deep love covers anything that needs it and will last in your heart way past the days I here to remind you of it – all the way to the end.

Tara – you taught me that God loved me and believed in me even when and especially when I did not deserve His mercy.  You were a gift straight from heaven for my heart, joy that I had never had, and a stamp of approval I was almost too embarrassed to receive.  Having you was my yes to God.  Yes to You for all times and all ways. This is when I knew I was in for keeps (I am my beloveds and He is mine) and not just because of who my parents were.  This is when I met the same God Hagar had discovered in a desolate place: the God who sees.  I saw Him.  And He saw me and placed love in my arms.  Joy-in-the-morning!

Stephanie –you taught me that God is a healer and that he hears us when we pray.  You were not just the only baby we actually “planned” to have ~ all the rest were delightful surprises and unexpected-but-cherished gifts.  But you, you were the one I had to fight the enemy for.  You were the baby that caused me to grow up and stand my ground against the thief. You were the one that introduced me to agonizing like Hannah before the Lord “For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted my petition made to him.”  And He did, oh yes He did.  And you were worth it, Stephanie.  You are worth it…

Tredessa – everything about you, from your conception to your even-in-toddler-hood deep love for the Word and things of God when you could barely walk or talk caused awe and wonder in us.  You have challenged me to know Him more, to press in  no matter what.  Where I had been a strong-willed, hard-headed, bull-dozer of a kid to try to be heard, you came quietly, but with such a deep dignity and strength of spirit. Your reliance on the Lord has taken you around the world and keeps you close to home.  You are the wit and wisdom of your grandparents, the brains and ability of all who have come before you and deep treasure of the strong love of your parents for each other, for you.  You are all this and so much more…

Rocky –to us a child was born, a son was given.  You were such a surprise after 3 girls.  You carry the name of our family, of all we have been and yet are to be.  You got your dad’s good looks and my fire-y personality.  You carry your grandpa’s zeal and your great-grandpa’s strength of character.  You embody the strong work ethic from which you come and make us proud, so proud to call you son.  But you carry a song from the Holy Spirit, and a heart to give God praise and you are called by the One who has shared you with us for paths all your own, yet to be discovered, exciting for us to watch.  You are my beloved son, in whom I am so so so well pleased.

Stormie –you came in gentleness.  You are the heart of your daddy and you remind me so much of Jesus in John 13 when he was ina room full of disciples and no one would serve.  And because He knew who He was and where He had come from and where he was headed, He just tied the towel around His waist and washed their feet.  And baby girl, you have served the Lord and the people you love in selflessness and rich beauty and you are all the more ravishing for it.  It is your honor, your bejewelment, it is the dazzling beauty of who you are in the room.  You were the icing on my cake, the cherry on top, the greatest (the servant of all) for last…

The past couple of weeks

These are some photos and video from 2 or 3 “family times” these past couple of weeks.  This song and these images are a tiny, delicious slice of the great smile-pie of my life!  This is Dave + me + the five + their loves + 6 chubby-cheeked sweetie-pie honey-bunches-of-oats grandbebes.  Mi familia.  Because of a blessing-giving God…

 

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ME!

1 Samuel 1   “Oh, my lord! As your soul lives, my lord, I am the woman who stood by you here praying to the Lord.

For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted my petition made to Him.

Therefore I have given him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is given to the Lord. And they worshiped the Lord there.

Best thing I ever did as a mommy?

Give you back to the One who gave you to me.  As long as you live, you are in my heart, but you are His.

EPIC LOVE: Opal & Everett

{ O P A L   &   E V E R E T T }

My Grandma and Grandpa Allison

By the end, frail and broken-down, they were shriveled old people, quietly enduring the ravages of the so-undeserved Alzheimer’s Disease and doing their best not to be a bother for their family or health care workers.  The strangers who witnessed their final months and days could not have comprehended, I am sure, the life of love and joy they had lived. They didn’t know about the ever-enlarging family, the children and grandchildren,  the greats and great-greats, or of the fruitfulness these two people had unleashed.   They couldn’t have looked down the heart’s hallways of the past to a man and a woman wholly devoted to one another, fully giving and loving each other across decades, clinging to one another and living their lives for an epic love, the passion of which never waned.

The beginning.

Their start wasn’t picture perfect.  For in those days many years ago, theirs was an “broken” beginning.  My Grandpa Allison had married and had 2 daughters with my mom’s mother, but it was doomed from the start, it seemed.  He married Opal shortly after his divorce.  My Grandma Allison had been married before as well and came into their union with one daughter.  And so they were now the 2 + 3.  It equaled truelove (yes, I meant that as one word). My Grandma and Grandpa never really talked about their start or their love story to my mom.  It seemed some things were best left unsaid out of respect and a show of honor of their former spouses, with whom they shared children.  So they kept their romantic connection to themselves.  There were innuendos and whisperings, as blended families might have, but as for Opal and Everett,  they maintained the dignity of silence and, focused on their love for one another, building a beautiful life together.

Early memories.

I don’t really come from a family that is all that outwardly affectionate.  Love runs deep among us and we are now much more giving in public displays of heartfelt warmth, but words of affirmation, outward demonstration and affectionate touch were not hallmarks of the family I grew up in, except perhaps from my mom, who taught me to do Eskimo kisses and butterfly kiss-flutterings and is my biggest cheerleader and hugger even now.

But my very earliest memories of my Grandma and Grandpa Allison are all about the affection, the visible sign of the intensity of an inward passion.  They touched constantly.  He attended to her every whim, he doted, he adored.  He held the door and he held her hand.  He always checked her needs, reactions, and responses first in any situation.  There was never a doubt in my mind that my handsome, raven-haired, energetic and athletic Grandpa, whose hair only fully grayed during his final few years, adored my Grandma. And she in turn looked at him lovingly, from the dark brunette and sometimes frosted days until her coiff was pure as snow.  She was his gentle home, his soft place to land, his True North.  Her approval, as a strong and beautiful woman, full of wisdom and grace, was poured on him freely and he thrived successfully in any endevour he attempted because of it.

My grandparents at my own parents’ wedding, August 1957.  Are those the most beautiful four people you have ever seen?  Ok, maybe I am prejudiced about that, but my mama sure had a handsome and stylin’ dad and chose a cutie-patootie for a husband!

There was such deep love.  He served in WWII in the Phillipines in the Navy, leaving his wife and now 5 children-between-them at home.  My daughters and I love the pictures she had taken in a beautful gown to send to my Grandpa there because he desired, as he told her when he requested the photographs, his own “pin-up girl” in his foot locker.

Every memory I have of  them, through my Kodachrome-colored memories of the early 1960s (I wish there were more actual photographs, but the times…), and throughout my life includes the touching, the hugging, the kisses, the hand-holding, the warm affection and assurance of a lasting love.  And they shared that, too.

My Grandpa was the man who’d hold me on his lap like a little princess and call me “Debbie Jean” to make my momma happy (she’d lost the name game to my dad’s choice).   This beautiful man I admired with all my heart and soul as a little girl became even more deeply imbedded in my heart when, after I was grown and married, he made a decision to follow Christ, quickly becoming a man of the Word and leading the adult Sunday School class at his Baptist church. He’d spent years investigating religions, a good man who didn’t fall lightly in to things.  When he decided to follow Jesus, he sent me a letter and said, “Oh, how many years I wasted looking for truth.  I wish I could get them all back to serve Jesus.”  I got my business sense from him, he was a mover and a shaker and quite entreprenurial.  Brave and creative, his influence on me, especially in retail aptitude, is undeniable.

  

I admired them, perhaps even revered them.  Attending a family funeral when my children were little and watching them walk in, he, my ruggedly handsome and distinguished grandpapa in his suit, she, my darling grandmama, elegant and serene ~  I was mesmerized at the regal sight of them, so proud to call them my grandparents.  They sat down the row from me, in their early 70s.  They were holding hands like young lovers, yet seasoned and wise sweethearts; the embers, once shooting flames in a youthful, passionate romance, now white-hot and glowing, a stronger, deeper love for the years.

The end.

My Grandpa passed away a few years ago.  He’d been fighting to retain the identity Alzheimer’s so ruthlessly rips from a soul.  His final days in a nursing home left Grandma rattling around their large retirement home on the Lake of the Ozarks mostly alone.  When my parents visited and they planned a trip to see Grandpa, my mom says Grandma Allison (my mom’s beloved step-mother, a woman whose love and acceptance meant everything to my mom), would become as giddy as a school girl, curling her hair and doing her make-up, excited to go see her love.  She even complained that several of the nurses flirted with him and she was not happy about it.

And even as he was failing and struggled to recognize his own children, when his love arrived, he knew her.  And the affection between them melted away the wrinkles and the years.  Those times, they were just Opal and Everett, lifetime lovers.  And she would sit in his lap and put her arms around him.  They were head-over-heels in love until the end, “two hearts that beat as one,*” that ridiculous almost never-seen kind of love that everyone thinks they have on their wedding day – but few seem able to maintain to the end. Before Grandpa even died, my sweet, tiny Grandma, the most loving and thoughtful, and gracious woman in the world, was also diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease.  When he passed on, my gentle grandma deteriorated quickly – just started slipping away.  She was moved to a care center and went very silent.  My mom was able to bring some glistening light to her eyes by singing a song she loved, one my Grandpa had sung to her “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…”  Grandma would somehow muster strength to hum along, a pleasant memory dancing behind her eyes.

I made a short video tribute with the few photos I have

A Nicholas Sparks movie has nothing on my grands.  She died 2 years to the day after the love of her life had gone.  Somehow it didn’t seem an ending so much ~ just that she’d finally been released to go where her heart had already gone.  And wherever Opal and Everett are, I know they are holding hands or he’s got his arms wrapped around her or they’re embraced under a tree near a lake, a slight breeze touching their contented faces.  And their true love remains. Endless.  Endlessly. *Lyrics from the 1981 hit by Lionel Ritchie and Diana Ross, “Endless Love.”

 

Um, yeah – Carole King, ok?

American Idol contestants did Carole King tonight.  I. LOVE. her!

My favorite moments?

Casey and Haley doing “I Feel the Earth Move”

James did “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow.”

Scottie actually did “You’ve Got a Friend” in a way I truly enjoyed.  But I hated his part in the duet of “Up on the Roof” he did with Lauren.

Casey solos was, as usual, fun, very cool, awesome! (“Hi De Ho”)

And Haley’s “Beautiful” was really great.

Even Lauren was pretty good with “Where You Lead Me”

Ah {happy sigh}.  I love the Carole!

Take Me Back

Ohmygoodness, I L O V E D late 60s/early 70s soul music like the Stylistics and the Four Tops; give me some Marvin or Stevie or even Smokey; but wow-o-wow for the Supremes, the Chi-Lites or Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, mm-mm-mmm.  A Motown Label on an old vinyl in a thrift store still sets me heart to beating fast.

It wasn’t just love songs and radio pop soul music that I loved, though, for since as far back as I can remember, I have loved-loved-LOVED music that brought the Presence of God into the room.

Andrae Crouch.

Oh, yes, Andrae Crouch.  L O V E him.  Wrote about him before HERE.  And HERE. And as far back as HERE.  Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally wanted him for Heaven Fest this year, but breakdown in communication or something?  And he parted ways with the guy we were working through.  Sad!  *sniff, sniff

But he was just the power-and-Presence-of-the-Holy-Spirit music to me in my early teens and on.  Got to see him in person and LIVED on Andrae Crouch: Live at Carnegie Hall and later Live in London.  Had 8-tracks, cassettes and record albums.  My dad loved him, too, so there was always a lot of Andrae in the 70s for us!  This 5 or 6 minute sampler on Amazon.com – ahhhhh.  Just click on number 1 and let-er-play.  And-why can I not play the piano like that?

Ephesus Girl.

I also love the book of Ephesians.  Just always thought: now Paul knew how to communicate with these people.  It mixes the right amount of richly-romantic and mystical Bride-of-Christ imagery with just the right amount of practical here-is-how-it-is-done language.  He speaks of mystery and marriage and a spotless bride and husbands loving their wives like Christ loved the church all that.  Go get ’em, Paul!

Jesus

Sometimes the mystery and magic, though, gets muddied, lost.  Sometimes we have “seen enough to know we have seen too much” and we are dirtied and poisoned and broken and bleeding, just sitting in the yuck-of-life getting hard-hearted because tenderness leaves us too vulnerable.  An innocence stolen, a trust broken, a love damaged.

And then we remember – there is a place where those things were taken into account before I knew I would even have needed them to be.  There is a place. It is where resurrection happened, where Jesus rolled away the stone and darkness and death that had held our hearts.  Jesus had hung on a cross, yes, wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities.  His blood had  flowed freely to cover the wrongs done to me, the wrongs I have inflicted on others.  He bought my freedom.  He took the keys of death, hell and the grave.  He rose again and it was a done deal.

Jesus set us free and somehow the enemy managed to dupe us and has stolen our freedom and our hearts.  We sigh and say ‘Life….’

Makes me think of Gal. 3.1…O you foolish Galatians…

Or as The Message puts it~

You crazy Galatians! Did someone put a hex on you? Have you taken leave of your senses? Something crazy has happened, for it’s obvious that you no longer have the crucified Jesus in clear focus in your lives. His sacrifice on the cross was certainly set before you clearly enough.

How did we get here?

The Ephesians weren’t much better.

Despite the love letter God had given them through Pul the Apostle,  in John’s Revelation, God rebuked them,  He saw their works, knew they hated evil – He could see all that.  But He pointed out that they had fallen so very far, left their ‘first love.’  He didn’t leave them hopeless, though. He reminded them to return to that love, to remember the height from which they had fallen and go back and do the first things again. New life, new love, restoration!  Fresh.  Clean.  Whole and holy.

Sometimes you just need your spiritual innocence restored, don’t you?

As we have walked through Holy Week, I have not been  a bit interested in observing religious dates on given days of the week for the sake of remembrance alone, but I have cried out for a return, a restoration of my heart to flesh.  Transformation.  I am open to God renewing and restoring to me the JOY of my salvation {Search me, O God and know my heart} and I am praying for the resurrection power, that same power that raised Christ Jesus from the dead, to give life to my heart. 

Take Me Back

 

Enter Andrae on Easter week.  A song from my way-back-in-the-day past.  Just remembered it.  Started singing it.  “Take me back – to the place where I first received You, where I first believed…” I have been singing this as a prayer all week.

Romans 8.11 Amplified   “And if the Spirit of Him Who raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, [then] He Who raised up Christ Jesus from the dead will also restore to life your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies through His Spirit Who dwells in you.”

So, Happy Easter. May Easter (the high holy day of every Jesus follower) 2011 be for you a very holy and set apart day.   And may you be made  new and alive because what Jesus did was enough, more than enough.  And may your heart be softened and trusting again.  Return to your first love. Sing with me and Andrae, if you want. And Danni Belle Hall, “Take me back…”  yeah-let’s go remember the height from which we have fallen.  Back – not to a cross on a hill, but to the open grave of a risen Savior, where we first believed…

Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping….

Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  Psalm 90.12 niv

When I get the time…

Where did the time go?

There aren’t enough hours in the day…

Time flies when you’re [fill in the blank].

I don’t have time for this.

An “alarm” clock.  Is this why time alarms me???

A quote I have kept for years…

“Don’t ever say, ‘I don’t have time.’  What you mean is ‘I haven’t arranged my life so I can make the time to do more of the things that are meaningful to me.'”  ~Alexandra Stoddard

I continue to work on discerning the difference between the apprehensive, nerve-inducing “what time is it?” and the more important “what is it time for?”  I wanna be doing the right thing at the right time.  Ecclesiastes 3, says,

1 For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.

2 A time to be born and a time to die.  A time to plant and a time to harvest.

3 A time to kill and a time to heal.  A time to tear down and a time to build up.

4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.  A time to grieve and a time to dance.

5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.  A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.  A time to keep and a time to throw away.

7 A time to tear and a time to mend.  A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

8 A time to love and a time to hate.  A time for war and a time for peace. 

9 What do people really get for all their hard work? 10 I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

I don’t want to get all the way to the end and realized I wasted precious time, not one minute of the plan of God for my life. 

There is a TIME { f o r } everything, even if this isn’t exactly the time right now.  A mystery I am pondering.  If I had it to do all over again…

Teach us to number our days, our hours, our minutes and seconds; teach us to discern and organize our very lives, Lord, in a way that welcomes You (Wisdom) and heals our hearts….Every morning, every evening, all our days: May Your favor rest on us.  Establish the work of our hands, yes – establish the work of our hands. 

From Psalm 90, a Prayer of Moses, the man of God

If I could put time in a bottle, the first thing thing that I’d like to do….

NOTE TO SELF:  So, ummmmmm….in light of the previous post (from yesterday), it must be time for Heaven Fest.

Lust {not love} Hurts

From Half-Broke Horses, a book she is reading, Erin shared this quote:

“By loving you, I have destoyed you” he said. 

 “…you have a mighty high opinion of yourself,”  I told him….You don’t love me and you haven’t destroyed me… You dont have what it takes to do that.”

What we were taught:

We spent an entire 2 days in junior English at Hammond High School dissecting the words to the Nazareth song, Love Hurts, its’ imagery, its’ angst.  I heard it every single day on the school bus, to and from home.  It sunk into my heart as fact – if you love some one, it will eventually hurt you – irrepairably.  Having been around the block, I know now this is not true..  This is not love. 

But if you replace the word “love” with the word “lust,” the song holds a lot of insight.  Because while lust comes to take, to consume, to use, {true} LOVE comes to give, to nurture, to sacrifice.  It isn’t that there isn’t risk and pain in maintaining true love, but love, real love, covers so much.  It is the greatest thing of all that will remain (1 Cor 13).  Lust is a passing-fancy while love is an unbroken covenant.  Lust hurts, but love heals.

LOVE HURTS by Nazareth

love hurts, love scars,

love wounds, and marks,

any heart, not tough,

or strong, enough

to take a lot of pain,

take a lot of pain

love is like a cloud

holds a lot of rain

love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

I’m young, I know,

but even so

I know a thing, or two

I learned, from you

I really learned a lot,

really learned a lot

love is like a flame

it burns you when it’s hot

love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts

some fools think of happiness

blissfulness, togetherness

some fools fool themselves I guess

they’re not foolin’ me

I know it isn’t true,

I know it isn’t true

love is just a lie,

made to make you blue

love hurts, ooh,ooh love hurts

ooh,ooh love hurts

Truth:

1 Corinthians 13 (New Living Translation)

1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

4 LOVE IS patient and kind. LOVE IS not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. [LOVE] does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 [LOVE] does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 LOVE never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

8 Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But LOVE WILL LAST forever! 9 Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! 10 But when full understanding comes, these partial things will become useless.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and LOVE—and the greatest of these is LOVE.

Who ARE You People?

The familia.  The Heaven Fest Familia.

You know how you join some things and the meetings stink?  THIS is NOT one of those things.  You leave these meetings thinking, “I know THE BEST, most amazing people in the universe and God lets me hang out with them!  What on earth??!?  This is church, people.  Church!

These are my people.  Their God is my God, their people are my people.  I have these people in my heart!

Sunny Monday, so good to me*

*Think: Mammas and the Papas, “Monday, Monday.

Meanwhile, though, just in case the spring rains come along again (needed and refreshing and renewing and all those good things that they are, but still…) be making your list and checking it twice.  Make sure you know WHAT makes you happy when skies are gray.  Especially  WHO.  And even WHERE.  Yes.  This is good to know before the black clouds roll in.

IGNORE BRYAN.  Shhhhh…..{tomatoes make me happy when skies are gray}