Jesus loves me, this I know. This category is about Jesus, the Living Word, my prayers to Him, my worship of Him, His relentless pursuit of my heart and His invitation to me to come to Him in Sabbath, my Savior, my Rest.
You need the chance to mourn. You need the opportunity to acknowledge a profound loss. Your torn heart-flesh needs repair and healing.
It is good to admit and confess our sin, repentance is necessary. But it is better still to receive the loving forgiveness of a Savior who bled to give that forgiveness. His blood is enough. His blood covers you. The blood of Jesus covers your sin, my sweet friend. The blood of Jesus cleanses you, woman called and loved, the blood of Jesus cleanses you. The blood of Jesus is enough.
So, There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has setmefree from the law of sin and death.
Mourn. Cry. Remember. Repent. Let God heal you.
But don’t ever let the enemy of your soul condemn you because it will cause pain and distance in your family and relationships which can never be understood. It will cause a fragmenting of your true self and cause you to hate God’s creation – you.
I would venture God is at work in you for healing. To fully avail yourself will mean facing it and walking it through, but there, just beyond the forest awaits a peaceful meadow of the love of God. I encourage you to press in even if it hurts, even if it requires transparency and confession. You will feel it until you think it will kill you, and then it will, but as you hang on the cross of dying to self, dying to self-protection, dying to pride and hiddenness, shame and guilt, and dying to the fear of man, you’ll find life. Take a breath. Life.
I truly suspect God wants to set you free because you are a key to setting others free. I wholly believe this is a word from the Lord for you.
You honor me by allowing me to know so I can pray. I have you in my heart…Jeanie
Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you now?
No one, Master
Then, neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave sin behind.
I was 12 years old and struggling to make the transition from little girl being raised in the strictest of Christian homes to some one who had her own relationship with Christ. I probably could have gone either way.
My dad, aggravated about how much time I spent in my room (listening to ungodly music, mind you), forced me to the living room one night to watch the first of a 3-night televised production of what was later dubbed “The Christian Woodstock”. I didn’t want to. I heard it had something to do with Billy Graham and thought, “Oh, no-what kind of church thing is he making me watch?” But I was told I had to and so I did. At least it was music, which I always loved.
It was Explo ’72. And oh-my-goodness, it was awesome. It was amazing. It turned out there were normal-looking people who loved Jesus. There were hippies who loved Him and there was “Christian Rock” which, believe me, was widely thought of as heretical in the church. It impacted me so much. I truly think it was the first time I realized the vast beauty of the Body of Christ in the world. Because of sort of the smallness of my denominational upbringing, I believe it was the first time I had ever realized that Jesus had such a huge following. Jesus was actually a movement. There were Jesus people!
Over 100,000 people showed up in Dallas at The Cottonbowl for Explo ’72. It was where i first saw and heard the crowds responding with gusto to outbreaks of “Give me a ‘J'”…”J!” Give me an ‘E'”…”E!” until the screaming masses would spell out and then begin to chant: Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!
Imagine my surprise when recently, as preparations for Heaven Fest were in full-swing, I got to thinking about that televised event in 1972 and how it had so influenced my life and when I googled it, I found articles telling how that same festival had deeply impacted the life of a then-17-year-old Mike Huckabee as well.
One way. Love Song (with Chuck Girard). Larry Norman (the “grandfather of Christian Rock”) with his very long, shaggy blond hair singing, “Sweet, Sweet Song of Salvation.” Andrae Crouch and the Disciples. Danny Lee and the Children of Truth. Randy Stonehill, “Didn’t He?”. These and more reached me at a crucial crossroads.
I sent away for the album, Jesus Sound Explosion, which was never made available in stores and is now a collector’s item. My dad sold the copy i listened to like crazy all through my teens years in a church garage sale, but after years of searching, my husband found one for me the Christmas of ’06 – just months before I would become involved in Heaven Fest.
God dropped the Heaven Fest vision in Luke’s heart on July 6, 2006 as he was driving home from Cornerstone. But Heaven Fest was planned way before even that and I truly believe every single person who participated was ordained long ago. A seed was placed in my heart in June of 1972 for what took place two days ago.
Dick Mills and the prophetic word in the early 90’s.
We were making a big change in ministry and attended a service where Dick Mills was speaking. He called Dave and I to the front and began to speak an intense prophecy over us using scripture after scripture. One of the notable things he said was that God was going to put Dave and I smack-dab into the middle of teenagers and young people and college-aged people coming to the Lord by the thousands. I remember at the time I got a picture in my heart of a blanketing of people on a field. A friend of ours asked afterwards if that word meant we were going to go back into youth ministry. I could not comprehend the meaning of it.
It was about that time that I began to recall the passion of the days of the Jesus Movement, the Jesus people and the way the Holy Spirit was sweeping the earth in the early 70’s. I came across an article in Charisma magazine, which I believe was titled “Jesus People-Where are They Now?” and I was stirred for my own children’s sake. I began to realize I had witnessed amazing things, experienced a certain and real wave of the Holy Spirit. I’d worshipped with long hairs and hippies and nuns who sang their praise in unknown tongues, right along with Episcopalians and Presbyterians as the Holy Spirit brought them together under the holy umbrella of One. The One.
So I started praying for my kids to see a move of God in their day. I started asking God specifically to allow my children to be involved in something eternal, to be part of igniting a flame that would burn our city and this nation to purity, to life. It became the rallying prayer of my life: “Lord, I have heard of Your fame, I stand in awe of Your deeds, O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known…” (Hab.3.2). O God, I saw You come and move this nation. I heard You, I heard from you at that young age-come, Lord-do it again in my lifetime-let my children see Your glory in the earth.
Heaven Fest.
Saturday night, during the Main Event, after thousands and thousands fell on their knees and faces in the field in personal repentance, my son-in-law, Dave (a modern-day Psalmist and a leader into the Presence through praise) asked them to stand and boldly proclaim what God had said to them and the commitments they had made and I got to lay hands on the entire front row 2-3 people deep and declare the blessing of the Lord over them and call forth God’s plan for their lives. Some wept, some thanked me as the word came for them that they were “orphans no more.”
One 20-something young man who was standing back aways from everyone with head low, almost seeming as if he’d rather not be noticed, caught my eye. I nearly turned away-not wanting to disrespect his stance, but the Lord didn’t let me. I breathed a quick prayer for sensitivity and how to honor him and as I stepped toward him, he looked at me and asked, “So-are you praying for people, or what?” As I assured him I was and he said, “Well, I need you to pray for me,” the Lord showed me what a strong call of God he had on his life and that he had been running from it. I could see his heart was aimless, but had never been at home outside the love of God. The favor and love of the Lord for this kid was so apparent I felt honored just to be standing next to him. God gave me much to pray for him and he stood in the night rededicating his life to God and you could almost visibly see a love-cloud jetting straight from the heavens to wrap him up. He seriously had the smile of God on his upward-turned face as he stretched his arms toward a Father whose love had not, he discovered, ever let him go. Arise, shine, Gabriel-for the glory of the Lord has risen upon you!
Revive Your great works in our day, Lord.
A few months ago, I was reminiscing about some of the early artists who impacted my life and I ran into a recent project that reunited many of the early Christian rock artists in CD/DVD form, The Beginning Concert: The Jesus Music Reunion. We were already neck-deep in Heaven Fest prep and it was only on paper, but we were asking God for something that would live beyond the day. None of us, Dave and Tara, Luke, me – wanted a concert and just a fun day for Christians, but rather to see eternal kingdom things: the lost found, the lethargic re-fired, a revival ignited. I mentioned The Beginning Concert on this blog and the producers so kindly sent me a copy.
When I heard Chuck Girard, whose music had influenced me from the time I saw him appear at Explo ’72 with Love Song and through the early 80’s, I was moved to tears with how God has been preparing my heart all along, He was leading my steps. Chuck Girard said on The Beginning Concert DVD, concerning the early 70’s and beyond:
“People look at me with a blank stare when I mention the Jesus Movement.
Back in those days, what drove the music was – what drove all of us was a zeal for souls. You know, we had a lot of zeal, very little knowledge.
I knew two things back then. I once was blind, but now I could see, and ‘Jesus loves me this I know.’ And that was about it, you know?
But we got out there and we did it and in the 1980s came the teaching movement and we got all really cerebral about the whole thing, but we lost a lot of the zeal, and my prayer is to bring that combination of knowledge back with some of that zeal of the early 70s and seeing another Jesus Movement.”
The reunion concert ended with Chuck Girard leading the audience and other artists in the song that categorized the unchanging message, a song from the 70s that summed up our hearts for Heaven Fest ’08, too:
“It’s the Name above all Names
And we will declare it, we will declare it
It’s the Name above all Names
And we will shout it to a dying world!”
This is the legacy, the path that will bring my grandchildren and their children into their assignment…Jeanie
NOTE TO MY KIDS: This is why you weren’t raised on irrelevant, churchy music, but purposely trained to enter the presence through praise. This is why I immersed you in the song of the Lord, whether it was a 200-year-old-hymn or the latest sound. Because through worship, through the song you sing – you will declare His name to a dying world. You will bring life. This is part of the story of the legacy I leave with you – a partial explanation of God’s preparation for your life story.
We’re heavily into set up and details, calming fears and being calmed. Tomorrow begins the 77-hours of straight-through worship leading up to and during HF, in The Burn Tent on the grounds. Friday is the Cardboard Campout for the Homeless.
Gates open at 10 am Saturday.
Heaven Fest is here. What happens, happens. But we are asking God for thousands to find Him here. We are asking for re-commitments throughout the Body of Christ. We are seeing prayer warriors from ministries across the state join to pray for today’s generation, “We are a chosen generation-Mothers and Fathers, Sisters and Brothers, Sons and Daughters, we are are!”* We’re not putting on a concert for fun, though it is a concert (or as the promo fliers say, “A one-day massive Christian music, worship and arts festival”) and will be fun, no doubt, but our aim is to ignite something in our region and declare Jesus from the highest metropolitan city in the U.S. Our prayer continues to be:
“Come, Lord, would You come? Would You make Your habitation here? There is no other artist or band who is more important to us than You. Lord, we invite YOU to be our most honored guest at Heaven Fest. Walk among us. Heal the broken, the hurting, seek out the lost. We are repenting, Lord, we are crying out to You. Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”
It’s where I’ll be for a few days…Jeanie
NOTE TO SELF: Ready, set…
*lyrics from “We Cry Out” by Brian Johnson of Jesus Culture, www.jesusculture.org
Observations of The Sacred Romance – Drawing Closer to the Heart of God (by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge) among a few friends. We hope you’re being blessed as we process and confess and that you’ll let us know what you are thinking, too…
Here is what Jeanie had to say: Amy Jo selected quotes from these chapters and we must very nearly have underlined all the same words in the book, me here in Brighton – she in Broomfield. You can link to her thoughts and writing about these chapters above.
Timid, I never raised my hand in school to ask questions. And that is a whole other blog. But in the past few years, I have realized what a disability it is not to know how to ask a good question. It has limited me in so many ways, as I have done everything the hard way and from scratch rather than learning from other people’s wisdom and understanding.
“…what is God up to in all this?” the author asks about a hurtful situation he once faced, recounted on page 147. And that hit me as a really well-put question, one that could serve me well as I go forward. He says, “In fact, the process of our sanctification, our journey, rests entirely on our ability to see life from the basis of that question.” The writer continues to explain that our lives aren’t a random series of events, but are part of a Divine Story with meaning.
That resonated because about 3 weeks ago, God engineered an emotional “meeting” between me and a painful past memory. I could not understand why it came up or where it came from or why I had to even be dealing with it now, but I faced it and ask God to do any further healing and continued to choose walking in forgiveness. Then a couple of days ago, as I was repenting of some sin and of the taking, or receiving of insult/offense and asking God why on earth I allowed that into my heart from a few random people (the ones that make you cringe when they walk in the room), He took me directly back to the painful, past memory-the one I had chosen to forgive and felt total wholeness in and showed me how they were related. He exposed a vulnerability I felt many years ago, and how I’d taken a martyr’s or victim’s role with abrasive people due to the incident in my formative years.
There isn’t room or time to give full explanation here except to say – there have been people who are in my life from whom I have withheld true relationship and have allowed myself to play a victim to their abrasiveness, rather than to see them as God sees them and to see myself as the blessed non-victim that I am. I have been hurting them. I have been hurting me. And while it was very easy to make them villains, I could’ve told you stories to get you on my side, God wants me free and when He allows these things to come up (“the nits”) and the slightest offense brings an unequal reaction like salt in a paper cut, “hurt feelings” or not, you have to know God is in this! I am going to be referencing that question much more in my life: What is God up to in all this?
Chapter 10 from Heather: Wow—this is a great book! It’s sooo intense, that I will need to read it again, and possibly re-read it. It’s done sooo much for my heart, and yet, I am still feeling raw and exposed. It’s not terrifically convenient, but even as the unattractiveness of my inner self is uprooted, I am finding His peace right there walking me through it! Thank you so much God!
“The Journey” is a very appropriate title for this chapter, because at this point you do have a choice…Are you going to begin this journey with Him, or stay stuck in your smaller story? On page 144, it says this: “Entering into the Sacred Romance begins with a decision to become a pilgrim of the heart. As Gabriel Marcel reminds us, the soul is a traveler: ‘It is of the soul and of the soul alone that we can say with supreme truth that “being” necessarily means “being on the way” (en route).’–We are,” he says, homo viator, which means ‘itinerant man’ or woman on pilgrimage. The choice before us now is to journey or to homestead, to live like Abraham the friend of God, or like Robinson Crusoe, the lost soul cobbling together some sort of existence with whatever he can salvage from the wreckage of the world. Crusoe was no pilgrim; he was a survivor, hunkered down for the duration. He lived in a very, very, small world where he was the lead character and all else found its focus in him. Of course, to be fair, Crusoe was stranded on an island with little hope of rescue. We have been rescued, but still the choice is ours to stay in our small stories, clutching our household gods and false lovers, or to run in search of life.â€
I really love that passage. I know that my journey through this life is a pilgrimage. I know that means I cannot possibly know what lies ahead of me. I know that can be scary, (if I let it be). I hate being fearful though, so I really need to rid myself of everything that hinders my relationship with God so that I can walk in the peace that passes all understanding. I also know that I am en route. I look back on my life and say, “Thank you so much God that I am not who I was then!†In my mind’s eye I see God smiling down on me as a father would, knowing that while I have made some progress, I’m far from done!
“Is anyone in charge? Someone strong and kind who notices us? At some point we have all answered that question ‘no’ and gone on to live in a smaller story. But the answer is ‘yes’—there is someone strong and kind, who notices us. Our Story is written by God who is more than author, he is the romantic lead in our personal dramas. He created us for himself and now he is moving heaven and earth to restore us to his side. His wooing seems less wild because he seeks to free our heart from the attachments and addictions we’ve chosen, thanks to the Arrows we’ve known.†Pg 147-148.
This is what mends my raw and exposed heart. That little excerpt sums it up. As I’ve read through this chapter, God has actually begun to reveal my “attachments and addictionsâ€. More than one exists, and I am deeply saddened to say I’ve gone to them many, many times, before seeking Him. In trying to work through this book I have had to face so many unattractive qualities about myself, it’s weird how I am not in a corner crying over my own depravity. Oh, wait, I think I did do that at one point! All that to say, this Romance is truly what I’ve been looking for. I want this journey, and I just keep asking Him to uproot the things that are deep that keep me from Him.
The question is asked at the end of the chapter, “What is all this for?†This response puts it into perspective: “Jesus said that when a person lives merely to preserve his life, he eventually loses it altogether. Rather, he said, give your life away and discover life as it was always meant to be. ‘Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self’ (Matt. 16:25, The Message). Self-preservation, the theme of every small story is so deeply wrong because it violates the Trinity, whose members live to bring glory to the others. The road we travel will take us into the battle to restore beauty in all things, chief among them the hearts of those we know. We grow in glory so that we might assist others in doing so; we give our glory to increase theirs. In order to fulfill the purpose of our journey, we will need a passion to increase glory; we will need love.”
Amazing. What more can be said, other than, “I am willing Lord!â€
Candi is still working on her responses. They will follow…
Who knew this book would take us all summer?…Jeanie
Hosea, a book recording the repeated unfaithfulness of Israel to God, also reveals a God who woos and draws and pursues with a permanent, tender and unfailing love. He even uses the language of a marriage covenant:
“I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me
In righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy;
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
And you shall know the Lord” (Hosea 2.19, 20)
How can we refuse a faithful God’s offer to know Him like that, to really know Him? He further promises us:
“I drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love,
And I was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck [burden lifter]
I stooped and fed them.” (Hosea 11.4)
Last night as our our worship and prayer time wound down, the sun having just set over the mountains, while splashes of hot pink and brilliant orange still dotted the sky, my friend Cheryl Rios popped a song in the CD player. The music fell freely out into the summer’s night air like a beautiful ribbon blowing in a gentle breeze.
It seems a fitting response to a God who has drawn us with “gentle cords and bands of love…” The gift was His love through His Son, but he tied it all up so beautifully with ribbons of gentleness and love. Here is the song* I am singing today…
NOTE TO SELF: Continue this “Summer of Love and Worship” after Heaven Fest, offering my song of praise…
*”Give You My Praise” by Grace Williams, www.gracegrace.com. Sunset photo is a Google.com image. It is similiar to what we saw, except that ours was reflected on the water, double beauty!
“See Me, can you see Me? Can you sense My love for you?” These are roughly the words of a song I have listened to on one of my favorite websites, www.soaking.net.
The words were posed as from Father God. And I was like, “I’m having trouble seeing You and I struggle to feel You near.”
This what I heard Him say:
You know how when you have TIME – there is nothing pressing – and one of your kids come through the door and you’re happy just to sit with them and be with them and listen to their joys?
Well, I’m like that with you, except TIME belongs to Me. I hold it all in My hands, so you don’t have to wait for My calendar to clear for you.
6.30.08
I re-read that today and had to smile because God has indeed proven this very word to my soul in the past 2 weeks. He is showing me that He eagerly awaits my arrival, my presence. He’s revealed He isn’t peering at me, bothered by the interruption, over the evening paper or too busy with some one else.
It is the summer of our first Heaven Fest and there is much to do and accomplish and yet, right in the middle of it, God my Father has provided rest, repair and renewal. From my morning time in The Tent (www.thetendenver.com) to as many evenings as I can make it at the prayer and worship leading up to HF, I have been covered to saturation in amazing music and worship, the Word of God, His miraculous provision for HF and more. He is everywhere and everywhere He is, He welcomes me. I am starting to see You, God. And I am glad to have been seen by You…
Amy Jo – artist, wife, friend (and the worship/prayer Interactions Manager for Heaven Fest ) – is a bit ahead of the rest of us in sharing her take on Chapters 10 and 11 from The Sacred Romance – Drawing Closer to the Heart of God, by Brent Curtis and John Eldridge. Amy Jo is soulful and thoughtful, deeply spiritual and a sojourner into the unchartered roaring waterfalls of God.
Chapters 10 & 11 of The Sacred Romance: On the Road and Desert Communion, from Amy Jo
“But we who would be born again indeed, must wake our souls unnumbered times a day.†–George MacDonald
“We have been rescued, but still the choice is ours to stay in our small stories, clutching our household gods and false lovers, or to run in search of life.†(p.144)
“And we—who are we, really? We are not pond scum, nor are we the lead in the story. We are the Beloved; our hearts are the most important thing about us and our desire is wild because it is made for a wild God. We are the Beloved, and we are addicted. We’ve either given our heart to other lovers and can’t get out of the relationships, or we’ve tried our best to kill desire (often with the help of others) and live lives of safe, orderly control. Either way, we play into the hands of the one who hates us. Satan is the mortal enemy of God and therefore ours as well, who comes with offers of less-wild lovers, hoping to deceive us in order to destroy our heart and thus prevent our salvation or cripple our sanctification. These are the stage, the characters, and the plot in the broadest possible terms. Where do we go from here?†(p. 148)
“Pretending that life is easier and more blessed than it really is hinders our ability to walk with God and share Him with others. Faith is not the same thing as denial.†(p. 150)
“One of the most poisonous of all Satan’s whispers is simply, ‘Things will never change.’ That lie kills expectation, trapping our heart forever in the present.†(p. 156)
“Memory, imagination, and a passion for glory—these we must keep close at hand if we are to see the journey to its end.†(p. 158)
“The spiritual disciplines of silence, solitude, meditation (heart prayer), fasting, and simplicity practiced by Christ and passed on to us by the traditions of the Desert Fathers bring us through our emptiness and thirst into the presence of God.†(p. 175)
Amy Jo: So my review for these chapters is all snippets… quotes from the text, to which I don’t really have anything to add, so I am including a prayer I wrote on Sunday…
06.22.08 – From the Beloved
Where am I—according to You, God?
According to me, I am lost again
(Which is fine as long as You’re with me.)
But I also feel I’m on the verge of Being mislead—
Of choosing a belief that isn’t from You
But I can’t tell, so I am mislead
(Which is worse than just being lost).
What is Your nature, God?
I really thought I knew and
I really thought I was beginning to see
My place in Your plan, but now?
Now I’m starting to think Your plan
Is so big and beyond my ideas that
I probably won’t ever get it unless You show me.
I want to know Your plan, God—
If You don’t think it’s too much for me to know.
I want to know what You’re really like and
What You really made me to be.
What pleases You? Is it simple? Is it always work?
Balance in my head Your mercy and justice.
Give my heart freedom to accept Your validation.
I am so willing, God
To part with ANY doctrine I have held dear and
Defended if You will help me.
You can rebuild whatever mental “structureâ€
You think I need to function well in Your plan.
I beg You to give me eyes for the truth—clear vision.
I beg You to help me be more flexible to You!
Before I wear myself out, God,
Before I give myself over to so-called “understanding,â€
Stop me and pull me back into wonderment
And awe of Your mysteriousness and majesty.
Refresh my spirit. Fill me with Your voice.
Teach me to recognize Light from darkness.
Take me with You—I don’t want to act alone!
Take me for a ride, God!
I’m all for an adventure if You’re guiding!
Shock and awe or rest will do—
Whatever You want. Whatever You feel like.
Peaceful, quiet waters suit me fine
But so would hang-on-tight rapids
As long as I’m breathing You and You’re smiling.
Take pleasure in me, God!
Fix me so I know stuff You know and
Can tell what You’re thinking—how You’re feeling.
Show me Your Old Testament power mixed with
Your New Testament grace.
Remind me of things I can point to so others can
See Your wildness and the parts of You You want to show.
Make me courageous, God!
Brave enough to dream a big dream,
Sure enough of Your presence in it to press on,
Wacky and energetic enough to not slow down,
Wise enough to plan things I can’t even comprehend yet,
Humble enough to fail and keep going, and
Close enough to Your heart to represent You well.
Cleanse my mind of pre-conceived notions, God,
Of ill-gotten dogma and false ideas.
Curb for me my attraction to darkness.
Break my heart with what breaks Yours.
Help me when I don’t have words, and
Help me, God, until You help me!
May I worship You forever and in all things.
From Jeanie: Wow, Amy Jo – beautiful. I know He is hearing you. And I know He’ll share His heart with you, for He “confides in those who fear Him.” Thank-you for the creativity you are bringing to this thing!
Pictured: a current pic of Amy Jo and her husband, Damon; and some images she painted about John Bunyan’s “Pilgrim’s Progress” when she was just a girl (1997) CLICK on images for a closer look.
Jeanie with the grand-kids; Heather the prayer-warrior
These are the observations of The Sacred Romance – Drawing Closer to the Heart of God (by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge) among a few friends. We’re working toward the culmination of our time in this book and already know what the next book will be. E-mail me (Jeanie) if you’d like to participate or want to know more about it. We hope you are blessed as we gab and “confess” and learn from this awesome book and that you’ll let us know what you are thinking, too…
Candi, wise and gentle worshiper; Amy Jo – head of worship and prayer interactions for Heaven Fest (www.heavenfest.com)
Chapter Nine: Less-Wild Lovers
I am kicking it off this time:“In the sadness we feel from the messages the arrows have left, we often get off course and begin to live off our giftedness or our wounded passions and fantasies instead of finding that place of grace in communion with Jesus. What counterfeit lovers have you turned to? Food? Busy-ness? What else? How have they ‘so intertwined themselves with your identity that to give them up feels like personal death?’â€
I haven’t given much thought to any of the rest of the study guide questions, but the one above points out an interesting possibility: that you can live below and away from the beauty of the life God has in mind for you even through your giftedness, your very God-given ability.So that very thing, something meant to bless and be life-giving, can become your obsession, your possession – and end up suffocating you as you try to hang onto to it.
I have specifically seen this happen with ministries, pastors in churches or some one in a leadership position.It is rampant among worship leaders – fearful of everyone else’s talent, they rise up to protect their territories and become miserable in the thing meant to bring joy to the heart of God.Intercessors are often terribly protective of their “prayer ministry.†I’ve been the guiltiest of them all.
The authors call this ‘clinging to position, title or even good works’ something like going to a fair that sells “soul curiosities,â€things that can even be good like attending Bible Studies, attending spiritual retreats or small groups, even joining a church, but become nothing more than a way to quiet the deep longings we don’t want to admit are there.
So here we are – created in love, players in God’s cosmic story of intense joy and love, wooed by Him, longing for Him, but beaten down by apathy and the message of the Arrows, we choose something that “works,†or looks right: we go to church and volunteer and memorize scripture and we “are both drawn to…and fear…that place of relational intimacy that Satan lured Adam and Eve away from so long ago…â€The voice of God calls.The heart of the Father draws.Am I willing to give up everything that has anesthetized me, the addictions the authors expose as “adulteries†– anything that replaces God in whatever form in our lives?Will I give up competence and order, title, reputation and ability to be, to be His.?Can I lay aside fears and talents and impressiveness?Can I die to self?
Here are Heather’s thoughts: I read this chapter a couple of weeks ago now. I have about 4-5 pages of notes on this chapter that I can share with anyone who’s listening. But really I am going to try to bottom line how the “Less Wild Lovers†in my life have caught and tangled me up into a weird mess of “doing†instead of being. (Note from Jeanie: you can link to Heather’s blog from my links on the leftside!)
I am a Martha. Some loved ones in my life have known that for years. I think Martha was trying to do the “right thing,†I really do! She saw all that needed to be done and was busy doing it. She got a bad rap, though, as she wasn’t doing it at the right time, really. There’s a time for all things under the sun, and that goes for cooking, cleaning and laundry too, unfortunately! But she did miss out on being at the Master’s feet. That was the right thing to do at that moment. (See Luke 10:37-42.)
Well, so do I. I look at my house, my job, my kids, the “things†that need to be done, and it can get overwhelming. God’s been calling me to rest for such a long time. At first I thought it meant to rest from ministry. In some ways it did. Then I thought well maybe it means to rest, rest, you know, take it easy. Well, I do think He wanted me to slow down, but you know what, it wasn’t to be on vacation, it was to be with Him. True rest, with God.
Busy-ness has become my less wild lover.
How sad. I mean it. It’s so sad. I like Martha want to do the right thing…Last fall my sister in law left our company to work for the Department of Wildlife in Lakewood . When she left there was a hole there that needed to be filled. I seriously thought that in some ways I was the one to fill that hole. I thought it was the right thing to do. My business partner/mother-in-law/best friend asked me to pray about it, and I didn’t. I was in full rebellion, you could say. Get this, I didn’t pray because I didn’t want to let the company down, and I felt it was my duty to help out (I know, I know- that does not make sense). It’s completely stupid! I admit it, but there ya go, just being honest. Soo… This past 9 months I have been trying soooo hard to make it all work. I have scrambled and grasped at what I thought the right thing was, (still not praying though), and it has worn me down. I’ve been very sad at the compromise of my time with my kids. I’ve not been able to find peace. My health has even been affected, not to mention I’ve not had the rest He’s promised me I would have.
When the time came to begin thinking about the summer schedule with my girls, My business partner/mother-in-law/best friend asked me to pray about it, and this time I—didn’t (YES, I know-what a dumb thing to do, AGAIN!). Well, I got out my little post it note, and asked God to show me what hours to work. I knew already that I had childcare taken care of for about 20 hours each week, but I felt like God was going to let me cut back, as I made out my work schedule. I thought God had blessed it. I presented it to the company and Maureen, my business partner/mother-in-law/best friend said that God had told her that I was going to be taking the summer off. I cried. That is the desire of my heart, friends, to be at home with my kids. But in trying to do the right thing, I had cut myself off from the mission that God has given me for my girls! I was choosing rebellion, in trying to do the right thing, because it simply isn’t right for me, not at this moment in my life.
I’ve only been home a couple of weeks now, but my joy has been restored. I am home and I’m finding rest again. The less wild lover of “being busy†is an evil trap for me. It’s not good for me to run too hard or too fast. I need to slow down and sit at the masters feet again.
&&&&&
Candi’s response to the book:Again, as I read this book I’m astonished at how the authors put so many of my feelings into words.I’m amazed that they’re able to pinpoint my feelings letting me know that I’m not alone.
Page 126 says exactly what I’m learning to understand. “But this side of Eden, even relationship with God brings us to a place where a deeper work in our heart is called for if we are to be able to continue our spiritual journey.It is in this desert experience of the heart, where we are stripped of the protective clothing of the roles we have played in our smaller stories, that the Message of the Arrows reasserts itself.Healing, repentance, and faith are called for in ways we have not known previously.At this place on our journey, we face a wide and deep chasm that refuses us passage through self-effort.And it is God’s intention to use this place to eradicate the final heart walls and obstacles that separate us from him.â€And then they quote Isaiah 45:2-3.
A couple of years ago I went out one night with some old non-Christian friends.We went midnight bowling (they play really loud music!) and it was a really fun time.Towards the end of the night I was just sitting absorbing the atmosphere and thinking to myself, “I’m really enjoying myself probably more than I would if I was at church right now.And all I’m doing is being who I am, no masks, no acts of service, just having fun.Why isn’t it like this when I’m supposedly ‘serving God’?â€
I really think this is when I decided that I wasn’t going deep enough with God.I decided then that I would try to figure it out.If God was the best and the greatest, why wasn’t my heart truly in it?Pg. 128 talks about two highways and this is when I decided to start the journey down the Unknown Road.Of course, I’m still on the journey, but around every bend I’m drawing closer to God in ways that I never knew existed before.
So now in the chapter I come to the “less-wild lovers†and I realize that I’ve dealt with both in my life!At times I’ve chosen the path of competence or order.And then I had kids!!!I can’t keep up with it…it’s too much work!I feel like a failure when my expectations and my results don’t match up which happens a lot.Talk about a blow to your confidence!Then I just quit trying and nothing gets done.I know my mother still struggles with this.(I think I’ll have her read this book!)I also put my efforts into busyness.There are times where I think I should just slow down, but I don’t think I’d know how to function.My life is constantly a struggle to prioritize and I don’t think this is what God had in mind.
I also related with the path of addiction.When I was younger I remember being addicted to new romance, new adventures, new opportunities.“We put our hope in meeting a lover who will give us some form of immediate gratification, some taste of transcendence that will place a drop of water on our parched tongue.†Pg. 133.And they make us feel so alive!It can be a strong temporary high.At some time I think I made a decision to not let myself “feel†anymore because then I wouldn’t have to be disappointed when reality kicked in.It stopped me from trying to find the next adventure, but it also silenced my heart.Now I’m learning to understand the process that God uses to become the object of our affection, our addiction.It so much more fulfilling!
&&&&&
Amy Jo winds it up for us: “We know He is calling us to give up the less-wild lovers that have become so much a part of our identity, embrace our nakedness, and trust in his goodness.†(p.127)
Once upon a time, when I was studying classic literature in preparation for my English degree, I illustrated a few key scenes from Pilgrim’s Progress. Vanity Fair was one of them, and I appreciated the authors’ in-depth exploration of what that city must have been like in the mind of John Bunyan. As I read how a lot of us resign ourselves to living there, assuming we will never actually GET to the Celestial City, I couldn’t help but think about one of the most influential, respected women alive and impacting our world: Oprah. God knows I love her, and I have a great deal of admiration for all of her humanitarian efforts, but wow, is she a confused woman! I wonder if she really is as happy as she portrays for all of us on international television. I have a sneaking suspicion, based on her random recent explorations into spirituality, that she has become disenchanted with the God of her up-bringing, and is “settling†for less-wild lovers. Read Curtis and Eldredges’ description of Vanity Fair and think of our friend Oprah…
“We set up housekeeping and entertain ourselves as well as possible at the booths in the Fair that sell a variety of soul curiosities, games and anesthetics. The curiosities sold at the fair are endless in their diversity, many of them good in and of themselves: Bible study, community service, religious seminars, hobbies we try to convince ourselves are eternally transcendent (e.g., ‘Wow, I can’t wait to ski deep powder!’), service to our church, going out to dinner. But we find ourselves doing them more and more to quiet the heart voice that tells us we have given up on what is most important to us.†(p. 130)
As I read this, I think of the train she fuels for Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth: Awakening to your Life’s Purpose, and her continuing support of “The Secret,†a “new†way of allowing yourself to achieve your heart’s desires by re-training your mind. One has only to visit the homepage of her website (Oprah.com) to realize that she is SEARCHING… these are the headlines today: “Oprah’s Soul Series Webcast†and “You Can Heal Your Life†and “The Secret Behind The Secretâ€. Oprah is probably inarguably the most powerful woman in our world today—not because she occupies some governmental throne, but because she has been given the throne to peoples’ hearts, winning them one by one through her philanthropic efforts and “open†searching. I wonder how many people realize that they have made her a “less-wild†lover, even as she points them to other “less-wild†lovers. (I know that I myself have been guilty of being romanced by her!)
One more thought on Oprah, before I move on to other things in this chapter: won’t you join with me in praying for her to find again her “Sacred Romancer� Imagine the impact she could have on our lost world, if she were to suddenly declare that she had found what she had been looking for—Someone she once knew—and then proceeded to point the masses to the True Healer! You can bet your chin whiskers that Satan wants nothing more than to keep this lovely and precious, highly-worshipped woman in the dark, as she continues to point others to various “less-wild†lovers. Pray for her with me, will you?
And now for something more personal… “Our adversary also seduces us to abide in certain emotions that act as less-wild lovers, particularly shame, fear, lust, anger, and false guilt. They are emotions that ‘protect’ us from the more dangerous feelings of grief, abandonment, disappointment, loneliness, and even joy and longing, that threaten to roam free in the wilder environs of the heart. These are feelings that frighten us, sometimes even long years into our Christian journey.†(p.132) This particular list of less-wild lovers is by no means complete. One has only to read on in this chapter to see an even longer list of possibilities, including addictions. I now propose that it is possible to be addicted to feelings of guilt and disappointment.
Long ago, I was taught that Christians had no business experiencing “negative†emotions: anger, sorrow, depression, etc. and thus they had no visible place in my life. But they were there. Less long ago, I became convinced that these so-called “negative†emotions were perhaps more valuable than happiness and freedom, because they have a tendency to grab our attention and focus us on God—we learn more from the “negative†emotions than from the “positive†emotions. Today I am willing to say—out loud, on Jeanie’s blog—that perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps ALL emotions are equally valid and valuable; that none are inherently good or evil. Perhaps the thing that matters is how we CHOOSE to be lead by them. Should I feel guilty for being blessed, when so many others in my world are suffering? No. Not as long as I am giving proper credit to the Romancer. Should I feel guilty if I am not happy when enduring hardship? No. But worship is required of my heart in the midst of it. God gave us each of these emotions—placed them squarely in our hearts, which were made in the image of HIS heart!
Forgive me, oh God, for falling for the less-wild lovers of pride, busyness, intellect / philosophy, discipline, vanity, sleep and numbness, guilt, admiration of others, etc. I would so much rather be recklessly, freely, wildly in-love with You. Keep showing me Who You REALLY are! “Batter my heart, Three-Personed God!†(John Donne)
&&&&&
I am so grateful to Candi and Heather and Amy Jo for sharing their hearts with me. We only have 3 chapters left in the book, but a lifetime full in continuing to discover God’s heart!…Jeanie
NOTE TO SELF:His, and His alone. No ministry, church work, “should” or anything else can replace the love of my life.
The seeds are planted at the right depth, the right time, in the right fashion. Careful tending and watering bring an assurance that the sprouts will pop up in 7-10 days. But you watch, you wait. At day 14 – still nothing. You begin to believe something has gone terribly wrong, that the cooler-than-usual weather has destroyed the promise. You consider running to the store for another package of seeds, concerned at the time you have lost for the growing season, fairly short in our arid, mountainous region. Will there even be time for a harvest now? Another week goes by and daily the barren soil just lies befor you. You figure there is no choice but to run to the nursery for some established seedlings. You are taking things into your own hands.
But before you get there on one hot, sunny day, one extremely blazing-hot-sun day, you glance at the patch of garden where disappointment has been and you start to look away, but the tiniest green spot grabs your attention. And look – all over: the most fragile and minute seedlings are emerging – just as you had planted them. They have arrived! They are here in their glory! Hope has not been lost. What the good soil and little seed could not do alone, what watering and watching did not produce immediately, the intensity of the heat of the sun bearing down caused the moisture locked beneath the soil’s visible crust to rise and soften that seed. And just like Jesus, from the 3rd day in the tomb, risen! Indeed!
We work to do it all like we are “supposed” to. We hide the Word of God in our hearts, we meditate on it. We allow ourselves to be washed with the water of the Word. We receive the good seed and we wait and wonder: where is the fruit? We are devasted at the barrenness in our lives in certain areas. And sometimes even years after witnessing and declaring the faithfulness of God, we face yet another opportunity to choose to believe…or not. There are variables in sowing and reaping.
And to our dismay, at times, a very hot day in the furnace of affliction becomes the defining moment, the proof we need that Heremains faithful. In the fiery brilliance of distress and the cry for relief, we become a living example, as the “water of the Word,” under fire of affliction, begins to rise up around us consuming us like a sauna, and in that moment of seed-shattering brokenness – new fruitfulness! New life! The thing we longed for – the intensity of the blaze, exposes in us.
And again, in the bright light of day, we lift our face to the sun and declare: He is faithful! He is so faithful!
More “Grace from the Garden” for me, I guess. Everytime I am digging in the dirt (in my little suburban backyard) – God is revealing more of Himself to me.
What if I lived on a farm!?!…Jeanie
NOTE TO SELF/GRACE NOTE: The fruitfulness in faith required the fire. He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it, variables notwithstanding. That is settled.
This has been called “the fatherless generation,” and we usually think of that for people who grew up without a father or who were separated from him by divorce or death. But the spirit of being an orphan can overtake even the person who had a father nearby. They are only human, after all. Feeling orphaned emotionally can be debilitating. You can feel like you have no real inheritance, no one to protect you, intense lonliness and fear that no one really cares how life turns out for you in the end. Providing sperm does not a father make, at least not in the heart sense.
There is a Father who is true (did you recently read His love letter to you here?). The Father heart of God towards you is consistently loving and unconditional, as portrayed in Jesus’ parable about the returning prodigal son and the father who ran to the road to welcome him home. Father God pays close attention, He listens and responds. He is available and close, encouraging us and giving us hope. Father instructs us and redirects through discipline, always there for us, a very present help in time of trouble. He protects His own, stands up for us, then releases us in freedom – empowering us to be all He created us to be and to do all He created us to do. Father loves you.
Just in time for Father’s Day – I have a prayer for those of you who need one…
Father, I pray for a revelation of Your perfect love – for You are the Father we have been looking for! Today I pray for those who pull away from You when they think of You as a father. I pray that you will show Yourself a true Father to them and that they can receive Your kindness, Your patience, Your strength and Your powerful love, the truth of who you are for them. Just like a young father bends down tenderly to communicate with his little child, You keep pursuing us, smiling on us, drawing close. You want us to know You as Father.
So, Father, I pray that You would reveal to us the truth, that we would finally and totally choose to see past our distortions of who You are. And, Father God, if our dads and fathers fell short in any way in how you’d have had them father us, or in reflecting Your love – whether through absence or pre-occupation with work, or their anger, critical words or abuse – where perhaps these wounds have caused us to live with an orphaned spirit, stuck in fearfulness and rejection, please come, Father. Comfort us. Don’t leave us in this state. Unlock the parts of our hearts that are frozen by fear. And Father God, where perhaps our dads acted from their own anger or pain and it has caused injury or woundedness to our hearts, we choose to reach out for the healing You provided for us in Your great love. He was wounded for our transgressions…by His stripes we are healed…
And as Father’s Day approaches, would you minister to those who had no father at all, especially to those who haven’t yet recognized the void and loss of that?
Lord, show us how we have expected you to fail us because of our own human dads. You have promised to never leave nor forsake us. You have said You will be a Father to us. Would You help us learn to trust? Would You give a gift of trust so we can enjoy You with childlike abandon?
Come, Father, into the undeveloped areas where we have not been fully fathered. We need You to Father us. Thank-You for calling us by name. Thank-You for being pleased with us. Thank-You for rejoicing over us with singing. Thank-You that You won’t leave us feeling as orphans, but You come to us.
We receive the blessing from Your Father heart to ours.
