I have so many words inside my breaking heart, I am going to need a few days to sort them out, to tell her sweet story.

Sandy and me on 12/27/14

So, this is just to say that right now my heart is tender, and I never even wanted to have a dog because I didn’t want an end, but she was more than worth the mourning and pain I am experiencing now.

My daughter, Stephanie, rescued her from the landfill near DIA 14 years ago. She was full-grown even then, so we have no idea how old she ended up, but we had her for 14 loving, affectionate, gracious years. We called her our junk-yard dog, but her worth to us cannot be measured.

I have so many words, but for this post, until I can cry them out on another day, suffice it to say, she belonged to us all, the whole Rhoades tribe, kids and grandbebes. We all grieve.

She left quietly, trying hard not bother any of us, which was exactly the way she lived. It was Saturday morning, the birds were singing in the trees and she was leaving us with no particular fanfare.

She died in the backyard, her hair sparkling in the bright morning sun, waving gently in the sweet breeze…on a beautiful spring day, like all the days she gave us.

I’ve written about *Sandy* before:

5-12-2012 “Sandy, true to her German Wiredhaired Pointer characteristics, lives to please us.  She is like a trusted friend, always ready with a warm greeting when I come home, edging as close to my feet as possible when I sit.   In fact, where I go, she goes...” READ MORE HERE

2-18-2010 “The scraggly family mutt who was abandoned at the landfill years ago to run wild and fear her own shadow, the trembling pile of fur we drug home, intent on saving whether she wanted us or not, and named “Sandy” after the dog from the Broadway play and the 1982 movie, “Annie,” has come full circle.

Yes.  Sandy-the-Dog played Sandy-the-Dog in Prairie Playhouse’s production of “Annie,”  at tonight’s OPENING NIGHT!!!”  READ MORE HERE

11-17-2014 “As I write this, my dilapidated old dog is at my feet. Sandy is somewhere near the finish line. It makes me feel better knowing she’ll be joining her cousin-doggie soon, where the two of them can romp like puppies again together, well and whole.

Don’t try to debate me theologically on this point. Sandy is one of the most Christ-like creations of God I have ever known. She is a godly old girl…” READ MORE HERE

8-21-2014 “Oh Sandy, you sweet, old dog, you. I love how you watch me from the corner of your eye when I have told you to look away while I eat. I love how you patrol the yard and make a ruckus at the hint of the first sprinkle, as if you can hold thunder and lightening at bay. I love how you chase the birds loudly one day, then share your water bowl the next while you just look at them inches away from your nose. They are not afraid of you at all. And you’re a bird-dog.  I love your big, brown, pouty eyes and how you know when I need a friend…” READ MORE HERE

7-26-2013 “She loves you already.  It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t even know you yet.  She has never met a human being she didn’t want to adore fully right off the bat, with the possible exceptions being screaming-2-year-olds.  They make her nervous.  But fully-grown people? She loves even the dog-haters.  She is just a great big lover.  She will attach herself to you as if she is the Secret Service on Presidential Guard duty.  No one will be able to get to you on her watch…” READ MORE HERE

There are so many posts. But I’ll stop…I am so missing her.

Good grief

I spent the day after she died researching, desperately looking for a to-do list, a set of guidelines for getting through the grief process quickly. I even researched what “acceptable” grief for the loss of a beloved dog is. I found out that it will take however long it takes. I learned that old grief gets mixed in with new grief. I learned that I cannot be cured or fixed and there is no universal timetable and that life will go on, but that losing Sandy is a change, a loss of huge proportions to my heart and soul. So there will be tears and I will grieve. For however long…

…Missing my Sandy-girl tonight.